Raising Hope · 138 quotes
BurtSo did you and Sabrina enjoy your night alone last night?
Yeah, it was great. I think I tweaked my neck. Sabrina had me doing all sorts of crazy stuff.
BurtReally?
Well, with Hope out of the house, we could get down to all the dirty stuff on our list.
BurtYou have a list??
It was exhausting. We did it all. You know, I shampooed the carpet for, like, an hour. She cleaned the chimney. It was filthy. We were both pretty sore this morning, but, uh, she still had me mulch her flower box.
BurtWow.
Yeah, well, next time you guys take Hope, I'm gonna oil up her chest in our bedroom.
BurtNow you're talking.
It takes a while. She hasn't really taken care of it in years. It's kind of gross underneath.
Burt[Grimaces] Well, still, a chest is a chest.
It is a nice chest. It's not as old or as beautiful as Maw Maw's.
Burt[Gags] I'm sorry, when you say "oil up her chest," what exactly do you mean?
I mean just get some linseed oil and polish up the antique chest that Sabrina's uncle left us.
BurtOh.
What did you think?
BurtI thought you were talking about you and Sabrina having weird sex, and then, briefly, you wanting to feel up your great-grandmother.
