Justin quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

We expect our students to master the traditional disciplines.

Justin

Sometimes the traditional disciplines can be handicapped, too.

Brian

You were right. The reason I took you in was because you took a bat to the head. But it’s not the reason I want you to stay. But don’t get the idea that we’re some married couple, because we’re not. We’re not like fucking straight people, we’re not like your parents and we’re not a pair of dykes marching down the aisle in matching Vera Wang's. We’re queers, and if we’re together it’s because we want to be, not because there’s locks on our doors. So if I’m not in, assume I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing: I’m fucking. And when I come home, I’ll also be doing exactly what I want to do: coming home to you.

Justin

Okay. I want some things, too. You can fuck whoever you want, as long as it’s not twice. Same for me. And no names or numbers exchanged. And no matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, you always come home by 2.

Brian

4.

Justin

3. And one more thing. You don’t kiss anyone on the mouth but me. [They kiss.]

Ted

I took Viagra last night! It's been 18 hours and it won't go down! What am I gonna do?

Emmett

Have you tried soaking it?

Lindsay

How about a cold shower?

Brian

How about scaring it?

Justin

That's hiccups...

Brian

Boo!

Ted

Thank you all for caring.

Melanie

What about something that would absolutely turn you off?

Brian

That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits?

Brian!

Ted

Better to join the living. Have a drink.

Justin

Have a bump.

Brian

Have a boy.

Brian

The first time you came here you didn't know anything about me. I could have done anything to you.

Justin

I was pretty sure you were going to fuck me.

Brian

Competition: world class. Wardrobe: crucial. Margin for error: zero. So long, Pittsburgh; hello, Miami Vice!

Justin

I thought your all-expenses-paid fuck-fest was just for the weekend?

Brian

Each beach party has its own theme and a strict dress code. The White Party: 15,000 horny queers all in white.

Justin

I'll be busy, too. I have a paper due on Renaissance art...

Brian

Then there's the muscle beach party...

Justin

Then there's the laundry and, of course, the wedding...

Brian

I mustn't forget the Cowboy contest...

Justin

I have to remember to write to my Grandmother...

Brian

So you're standing me up to see two dykes tie the knot?

Justin

Yeah, I guess I am. You're angry?

Brian

I think you are a selfish heartless asshole... Keep up the good work!

Justin

What can you do?

Debbie

I don't know... find out who he was.

Justin

That's what the police are for.

Debbie

Those fat fucks!

Jennifer

He [Justin's Dad] says he won't pay for your school anymore.

Justin

That lame-ass shit! What's his feeble excuse?

Jennifer

The stock market and supporting 2 households... basically 'cos he's a lame-ass shit.

Melanie

I told you, he's a total hetero-probe!

Justin

It's true; he is.

Brian

It's true; I am.

Brian

Maybe we can hang it.

Justin

Really?

Brian

Then you can tell everybody you're hung.

Justin

I already do.

Brian

I'll give you 5000 dollars.

Justin

What for?

Brian

The drawing.

Justin

It's not for sale.

Brian

No... just you.

Justin

We have an arrangement.

Brian

Home by 3 or my balls turn into pumpkins.

Justin

The stuff we came up with is amazing. It's like we share the same brain!

Brian

You get it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he gets it Tuesday and Thursday?

Justin

[about Brian] All this time I've been fooling myself... thinking he loves me.

Michael

He does love you.