Michael quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

They're two uber-passes to Comic-Con. Priority access to all events - a complete comic book overload! One for me and one for you!

Brian

Whoa, dude! The kids at school will like, puke, they'll be like, so jealous.

Brian

I'm suing the mother-fucker!

Michael

Take it easy, Brian.

Brian

He said I'm 31! I'm 30.

Justin

Is that all you care about? He practically called you a child molester.

Brian

Who should know better than... you?

Michael

I don't think any of us are in a position to judge considering some of the things that we've done.

Ted

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Michael

I could remind you of a few!

Michael

You're not even gay!

Debbie

Yeah, well I'm the next best thing.

Ted

Internet access? 38 dollars. Adult porn site membership? 29.95.

Michael

Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your own home? Priceless.

Brian

Masturbate the possibilities.

Ben

I teach Gay Studies at Carnegie Mellon.

Michael

I knew it!

Ben

You knew what?

Michael

Well with all that talk about cultural references, I knew you had to be.... a professor.

Ben

wait... Michael...

Michael

What for?

Ben

I just want you to know that... I'm HIV positive.

Michael

I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive!

Ben

Yeah, well, I was gonna ask you out tonight, but now I'm not so sure.

Michael

Why not?

Ben

A cucumber is a lot to live up to.

Michael

Emmett's a star.

Brian

His dick's a star. He's just the life support system.

Michael

Careful, he'll get a swelled head.

Ted

Save it for the website!

Michael

I should warn you, my friends can be a little...

Ben

Judgemental? Bitches? Condescending?

Michael

You've met them.

Michael

[about Debbie] She actually said she wished I wasn't gay!

Brian

Well, I'll always be glad that you're a big fat queer. [They kiss.] You know, she's right. You should forget Ben.

Michael

What the fuck do you know?

Brian

Let's see... I know advertising, and... you.

Michael

He wanted to diaper me.

Ted

Aw, poor baby.

Michael

The next guy that walks through that door is the man I'm gonna live with for the rest of my life.

Emmett

Oh, Michael, there you are. Rent cheque's due today, sweetie.

Michael

Sex is different for men than it is for women... the need is more immediate, more intense, at least that's what I've read.

Lindsay

Where, in Field and Stream?

Melanie

Just for your information, Lindsay and I fuck like crazy, we pant and drool like a couple of bitches in heat. Our pussies soak the sheets.

Lindsay

And we go at it a lot longer than the 10 minute tumble you guy's call sex.

Melanie

And you don't even wanna know how many times we get off in a night.

Michael

You're right, I don't.

Michael

Okay, I don't know anything about basketball. In case you haven't noticed, I'm queer.

Ben

Yeah I love basketball and in case you haven't noticed, I'm queer too.

Michael

Oh, I've noticed.