Michael quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

Mom, what are you doing here?!

Debbie

Same thing you are.

Brian

Cruising for a blow job?

Michael

Jesus, Ma, you already go to the same bars and same clubs as I do, now you gotta come to the same gym? Can I have one place in the world that's my own?

Debbie

Do you want to be work out buddies?

Brian

Just give me one valid reason why any queer in his right mind would wanna bring a kid into this world?

Michael

Hm...

You can't think of one, can you?

Michael

Wait a minute! Hold on. [he thinks of a reason] To piss off straight people.

Michael

What are you doing with your nephew?

Brian

I'm brat-sitting.

Brian

Don't get wound up about it.

Michael

I'm half-Italian, half-drag queen; I'm allowed to get worked up!

Michael

So there I was stark naked, freezing my tail off, spying on Ben.

Brian

Was he plucking his magic twangier?

Ben

You don't understand anything.

Michael

Understand what?

Ben

What it's like to wake up every morning and remember 'oh yeah, I've got this thing,' because you don't have this thing. You never have to take a mouthful of meds, never knowing when they'll stop working, never knowing when a fucking cough or a fucking sniffle may land you in the hospital, because to you, Michael, it is just a fucking cough or a fucking sniffle! And every time I go to kiss you, or suck you, or fuck you, even when we're protected, even then, there is still this shitty nagging doubt that maybe, just maybe you could get infected!

Ben

What's Vic's new boyfriend like?

Michael

They're so alike it's uncanny.

Ben

Same interests? Same temperament?

Michael

Same disease.

Ben

Michael, please!

Michael

Please what? All it would take is a quick jab in the vein and it'd be over in a flash. Hardly feel a thing and then I'd be just like you.

Ben

I don't want you to be like me!

Michael

You said you want someone who knows what you're going through. Who wakes up every morning and suddenly remembers 'hey that's right, I've got this thing,' who thinks every time he gets a cold or the flu, 'this is it, this is the end,' who's filled with the resentment and anger 'cause he can never have kids, and who has to shoot himself up with steroids because his lover died, and he's scared shitless he's next and who has to drive away the person he loves and who loves him! Because he doesn't understand! Well, now I will!

Ben

No, please don't! For gods sake, stop!

Michael

No, you stop! Stop using this shit! Stop hurting yourself. And stop hurting us.

Brian

You're going to be a great dad.

Michael

What makes you so sure?

Brian

You raised me, didn't you? Look how I turned out.

Emmett

[About Brian and Justin getting back together] Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

Ben

Yes, you are seeing it, the most historic reunification since Germany.

Emmett

What happened to the fiddler?

Michael

He fell off the roof.

Justin

JT giving Rage a blow job isn't just about sex. It's about thawing his cold heart. It's about bringing him back to life. It's about their love. Their unspoken commitment.

Michael

Art imitating life?

Debbie

Well if it isn't the man behind the asshole!

Michael

Brian's always behind the asshole.

Brian

It will all seem like a distant memory except for you, 'cause wherever I go and whoever I'm with I'll always love you.

Michael

Bullshit.

Ben

So... did you see it? What'd it look like?

Brian

Did it have your cute little turned up nose, button eyes, and perfectly shaped penis?

Michael

You really think so?

Ben

Hey.. hey!

Michael

It's the size of a peanut... the baby.

Debbie

Once upon a Godforsaken time, there was a beautiful princess. She worked her ass off until she popped her kid, and went back to work 3 days later.

Brian

That Diana was an inspiration.

Debbie

The bottom line is I couldn't afford the luxury of not working. I had to earn a living.

Michael

Yeah, but you were 17! Mel's in her thirties, and she's got endo-metri- whatever the fuck it's called and now she's taking on the biggest court case of her life!

Brian

Yeah, and don't forget; she's a crazy lesbian!