Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

They're two uber-passes to Comic-Con. Priority access to all events - a complete comic book overload! One for me and one for you!

Brian

Whoa, dude! The kids at school will like, puke, they'll be like, so jealous.

Brian

I'm suing the mother-fucker!

Michael

Take it easy, Brian.

Brian

He said I'm 31! I'm 30.

Justin

Is that all you care about? He practically called you a child molester.

Brian

Who should know better than... you?

Brian

One step at a time. First, we walk back to my place and then I suck you off.

Justin

I can do it myself.

Brian

You can give yourself head?

Brian

Some people take it to the streets.

Ted

Other people take it to the sheets.

Brian

What he does with his money is his business.

Lindsay

Except when it hurts us. Then it's our business.

Brian

Theodore Schmidt, you sex pig you, I didn't know you had it in you.

Ted

Oh I had it in me all right.

Brian

Where you going?

Justin

I'm leaving you to your wicked ways! Go find a stud and ask him to dance. [Starts to leave]

Brian

[follows Justin and grabs his shoulder] Hey stud, want to dance?

Debbie

So what would make you happy? (Michael looks around)

Brian

Should we hum the theme from Jeopardy?

Emmett

[talking about Ted] Guys, he is in deep shit trouble. We need to have an intervention.

Debbie

Booze?

Brian

Crystal?

Emmett

Whipping the willy.

Brian

Schmuck. Couldn't even get a decent addiction.

Brian

How's Daphne?

Justin

She and her roommates had to study. Fortunately, that’s not my problem. I went to Woodies, I let guys buy me drinks, they all wanted to fuck me. At least I still have my looks. But, I told them no; I’m saving it for you.

Brian

Aren't you a sweetheart?

Ted

Internet access? 38 dollars. Adult porn site membership? 29.95.

Michael

Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your own home? Priceless.

Brian

Masturbate the possibilities.

Brian

[after Debbie, Mel and Lindsey have all kissed Justin] With all this kissing, you're going to turn him straight! [Brian kisses Justin.]

Debbie

Oh, my God! They're gonna do it right here! [Justin and Brian go upstairs] Holy crap! They're like fucking newlyweds!

I never thought I'd live to see the day!

Lindsay

I think it's wonderful!

Debbie

[about Justin] You think you've got everybody fooled, don't you? Well, not me, honey. I’ve known you too long and regrettably too well. And no matter how hard you try to deny it, I can tell you care as much about him as he cares about you, only you haven’t got the big hairy cojones to say it.

Brian

Maybe I could borrow yours?

Debbie

Whatever it takes... to admit that you love him. And I know that you do, despite all your efforts to never let another heart touch yours. And that’s assuming, of course, you have one. That little persistent kid has somehow gotten in under the wire. And that’s what’s happened, huh? Now admit the truth. You love him, don’t you? [Brian looks at her, then looks away.] I thought so. Then tell him! Tell him what you could never say to Michael.

Brian

You were right. The reason I took you in was because you took a bat to the head. But it’s not the reason I want you to stay. But don’t get the idea that we’re some married couple, because we’re not. We’re not like fucking straight people, we’re not like your parents and we’re not a pair of dykes marching down the aisle in matching Vera Wang's. We’re queers, and if we’re together it’s because we want to be, not because there’s locks on our doors. So if I’m not in, assume I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing: I’m fucking. And when I come home, I’ll also be doing exactly what I want to do: coming home to you.

Justin

Okay. I want some things, too. You can fuck whoever you want, as long as it’s not twice. Same for me. And no names or numbers exchanged. And no matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, you always come home by 2.

Brian

4.

Justin

3. And one more thing. You don’t kiss anyone on the mouth but me. [They kiss.]

Michael

Emmett's a star.

Brian

His dick's a star. He's just the life support system.

Michael

Careful, he'll get a swelled head.

Ted

Save it for the website!