My dormitory at school had a milkshake club, but we won't go into that.
It wasn't all like Enid Blyton, wasn't it?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
There was a story that Alan may remember of Darwin and giant...
Oh, yeah. Didn’t they all get eaten on the boat?
Yeah, they were so delicious, that’s the point.
Wouldn’t it be brilliant if the Origin of Species just halfway through turned into a cookbook. ‘I am basically putting to you all, members of the Royal Society, everything is bloody delicious.’
The Purple Emperor Butterfly likes to start its day with rancid pickled mudfish, Thai poi shrimp paste, and big cock shrimp paste. Mmm.
What are you, 12?
Come on. When will the phrase ‘big cock shrimp paste’ not be funny?
You're gonna have to have a point for that.
I'm at plus one, I'm not gonna speak again.
[To Stephen] The idea of you at the microwave...
I had to do it on TV-dramas...
“I was playing a rough type.”
[On microwaves]
Now we got one that goes beep, beep, beep...
That's your food slowly reversing out of the kitchen.
That is the miracle of Kangaroo suckling. Who do you think, of all the animals, has...
[Bursts out laughing] Sorry, this is the only show where I hear sentences like that.
Who would like to see some Milky Magic?
[General merriment]
[To the audience] If Stephen says that to you in the Park, say no!
[Produces props] Mmm, lovely milky things.
STOP SAYING THAT!
[To Alan] Cariad has been bitten by a snake.
What's happening to me? This is not I'm a Celebrity!
What should you do?
Suck her.
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - SUCK OUT THE VENOM]
You can't afford it, love.
Even when you've been bitten, you're gonna haggle prices?
You soon drop your prices once you've tried it.
The Maribou Stork is often given the label The Ugliest Bird in the Animal Kingdom.
That's not fair.
OK, name an uglier one.
Oh, don't make me say it!
[Firmly] No!
Edwina Currie.
So we’re criticising Hitler now, are we?
The more I hear about him the less I like him.
How many legs does a kangaroo have?
Oh, don’t say any numbers. Just don’t say any numbers.
[On how you titillate an ocelot]
You oscillate its tits a lot.
When do you think, I’ll give you five years either way, was the first airline stewardess?
I think 200 years before the first aeroplane. I think it was a weird, pointless scheme by a futurologist. Just went up and down a field with a trolley asking the cattle, ‘drink, sir?’
I think the question is flawed.
How so?
Because if I’d had my dirt-hole burgled without my knowledge, I wouldn’t know about it, would I?
Touché. You’re absolutely right.
So, I don’t know.
Is the right answer.
Possibly.
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