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Press Gang
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S1 E15Unfinished Business

So, you didn't think your black belt in judo was worth mentioning?

BBenjamin

Well, I thought people would be more interested in the train-spotting angle.

So, who hates me enough to want me battered senseless by Malcolm the shaving gorilla?

Shall I get the list?

TTiddler

Colin, what does a rabbit mean to you?

A four-pack of lucky feet.

Lynda [feeding her goldfish]: Come on, eat your food, Sullivan. You won't grow up to be a shark if you don't eat your food.

[Chrissie wants to know what's going on at the Junior Gazette]

Well, Spike and Lynda are pretending they're not going out with each other, and we're pretending we don't know.

I haven't had so much fun since she sprained her arm in Primary Five.

CChrissie

Explain something to me, Kenny. You two are supposed to be the best of friends. How come you enjoyed her spraining her arm?

We are the best of friends. She was trying to push me out of a window at the time."

DMrs Day

She didn't push you out of the window, did she?

No. I jumped.

DMrs Day

I know how you feel...

One thing I've always wondered about you, Graham. When you wake up in the morning, how do you tell?

Hi, Spike! How's the latest brunette?

Sam, she's not just my latest brunette.

I didn't mean your latest brunette, Spike - I meant hers. So, how are you, Spike?

No, I mean straight! Really! Look, I know how I sound. I open my mouth, and it's a hustle! I can't help that. But this is not for me. Just this once I'm not pulling something.

Colin, I want the books. And I don't want to hear how they've been eaten by your cat, or how they were stolen by a roving band of deranged accountants, or how the recent stock market collapse in New Guinea has rendered the figures meaningless in a very real sense. I want the books now!

I'm no use. You know what I am? I'm a pink rabbit at a funeral. I'm a radioactive lizard in a filing cabinet. I'm the guy who tried to market the inflatable telephone for the poolside executive. My own mother doesn't believe a word I say without three independent witnesses and a death threat.

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