If this was the olden days, if this was like thousands and thousands of years ago... I'd kill a dragon for you.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
See where it says ruler? Well that's who it belongs to.
Are you telling me, Colin, you have spent Gazette money on a hundred thousand defective half ping-pong balls?
Starting from now we've got exactly three hours to write next week's news.
Why me?
Sullivan likes you.
Sullivan hates me!
All right, Sullivan knows you. Now go!”
We'll have sewage all over the front page!
[arriving at Mr Sullivan's house, nervous]: Hello, Mr Sewage!
Mr. Sullivan, this is Lynda. Could you wait just one moment? [looks at Spike expectantly] Goodbye. Send us a postcard. Wish you were there already [Spike storms out, Lynda looks back at the newsroom] Kenny, why have I just phoned the weather forecast?
BBilly
From the neck down I'm history.
That must be awful.
BBilly
You don't know what an itchy nose means.
You're not using enough of this. The plates are still greasy.
HMr. Homer
I don't like a lot of suds.
But the plates are still greasy!
Oh, exaggerating am I? Okay. Ten years ago, school sports day.
Oh here we go.
Lynda Day is six years old.
I can't believe you're bringing this up again.
Do you know what she does?
Apart from winning every event.
Except one.
That was badly adjudicated. It was a travesty of justice.
Lynda, it was the egg and spoon race.
Yeah and I was a clear two inches ahead of Suzy Bennett. Travis was blind.
Travis was our teacher and he was blind. With tears of agony about two seconds later.
Oh, I can't believe you're still bringing this up.
And there he was with Lynda hanging from his leg by his teeth.
This is pathetic, isn't it?
It's true. You went straight up to him and sank your teeth into his leg.
Kenny! [waiting for him to notice the phone is ringing; the call he's been anxiously waiting for]
You're exaggerating again.
He was all over the playing fields trying to shake you off.
Oh, rubbish.
I saw him in the street the other day. He still walks with a limp.
Lynda [picking up the phone]: Shut up, Kenny!
Lynda [on the phone]: Kenny, what choice have we got?
How did you know it was me?
Save the print run. We've got till seven. How did you know I was here?
Lynda (on Sam): "She's arrogant, self opinionated and impossible to deal with. Who does she think she is?
You?
Can you imagine it? For two hours the audience sat and watched a box with a spotlight on it. Not many came back after the interval. At the end there were just these four drama students who gave it a standing ovation and asked me to join their drama group. Kenny, have you any idea how humiliating it is to take your escape artist home in a box?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Press Gang pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.