Cooler quotes from Pound Puppies (1986)

Nose Marie

Settle down, honey lamb. Nose Marie won’t hurt you. You’re safe with me.

Aw.

Cooler

(sighs) That really warms to cockles of my heart. Whatever those are. (laughs)

Bright Eyes

Cooler, maybe the teensy puppy could use my Dolly’s house for a home.

Cooler

Absotutely, guys. Hey, not a bad name for him either, Teensy.

Nose Marie

Sleep tight, honey lamb, in pleasant dreams.

Whopper

Hiya, Teensy! Want to see my dirt collection?

Nose Marie

Oh, Whopper! I just had him all calmed down and you went and uncalmed him again!

Whopper

Maybe he’s so scared of dirt.

(to the audience) You know what? I’m scared of everything.

Cooler

Okay, kid. Put it right there, kid! Come on, kid! You can do it, kid! Give it the old pepper, kid!

Cooler

Perfectamundo, kid! Hey, Teensy, my pup. Mellow out. No one’s gonna hurt you down here.

Bright Eyes

We’re all super-duper fun loving puppies just like you!

Whopper

Yeah. Just like you except we’re a milli… a trill… a kabillion times bigger. Yeah.

Nose Marie

Don’t you pay no never mind to that, sugar plum. Size doesn’t matter. It’s what’s in here that counts.

Bright Eyes

Got any nifty Queenie’s?

No. Goldfish.

Cooler

Well, after two weeks with us, puparoo, you seem to be getting along just dand-dand-danding.

Yes. I’m winning.

Cooler

Whoa! Either my ears are on the fritz, so Holly’s trying to contact me with Puppy Power.

What’s Puppy Power?

Cooler

You might call it radio station K-Pup that plays nothing but love songs.

Nose Marie

(to Cooler) Puppy love songs, that is.

Holly

Hi, everyone. I’ve got great news! I found a perfect home for Teensy. This little girl lives in an apartment, and a small puppy like Teensy would fit in just right. Auntie Katrina’s away buying more bricks, so now’s the time to get him out. I’ll meet you upstairs.

Nose Marie

(gasps) Home? For Teensy?

Cooler

Of course-a-rooney. Remember the Pound Puppy model, neither rain, no snow, no Katrina Stoneheart.

Whopper

So, stop the good guys!

Bright Eyes

From delivering neato puppies.

(singing) To happy home!

Nose Marie

I know. I just didn’t think he’d have to leave me so soon.

Holly

Teensy, this is your new home.

Are you coming with me, Nose Marie?

Nose Marie

No, sweetie pie. You live with a nice little girl here.

(crying) I don’t want to leave you, Nose Marie!

Bright Eyes

Golly gee willikers! No pup’s ever not wanted to be adopted before.

Cooler

Yeah, this could put a bad mark on our whiz-bang success record.

Ah! I don’t wanna be a bad mark! I just want to stay with Nose Marie!

Holly

Don’t worry, Teensy. We’ll find another puppy for this little girl.

Nose Marie

And we’ll take you back to the little old pound with us.

(hugging her) Thank you, Nose Marie!

Brattina

There. That should fix any icky-poo mice that come in here. There are enough scary traps to catch a zillion yucky mices, eh, Catgut?

Catgut

(meows)

Holly

What? Brattina, what is going on?

Brattina

“Brattina, what is going on?” I’m trying to catch a mouse, nosy-pants. What’s it look like?

Holly

Brattina still thinks Teensy’s a mouse, and she covered the yard with traps.

Cooler

And here comes the wicked witch of the worst Katrina.

Katrina

What the…?

Booga-booga-booga!

Katrina

It’s Cooler and those miserable mutts. Brattina! Stop those confounded canines! Don’t just stand there, you ninny! Get them!

Brattina

No! Mommy Dearest, look out!

Katrina

Ouch! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ow!

Brattina

Eww! Mommy Dearest, that looks totally painful.

Katrina

(Angry with her) Not half as painful as the punishment you’ll get for this!

Brattina

(Off-screen) But, Mommy Dearest!

Cooler

Whoa! Looks like the spring is sprung. Which means, Nose Marie, it’s time to snip the apron strings and find Teensy a home. Before he eats us out of ours.

Nose Marie

I’m powerfully fond of him, but I can barely lift his food dish anymore. (to Teensy) Teensy, dinner time!

Oh, boy.

Nose Marie

You’re right, Cooler. I guess it’s time to get Teensy adopted.

Adopted? But I don’t wanna leave, Nose Marie. (crying) Whoo, is me!

Nose Marie

Teensy, sugar plum, everyone has to leave the nest some time and we’ll come and visit at your new home.

You promise?

Cooler

Positively, Teensy, my pup.

Nose Marie

And remember, honey lamb. Just let out a little old howl, (howling) and I’ll come running.

All right. I’ll go.

Brattina

(in her walkie-talkie) Mommy Dearest, I’m sick of the stinky smelly wall! Come down already, why don’tcha!

Katrina

Stop whining, Brattina! I want to put one more row of bricks on, and then I’ll be down. (to the audience) Cooler and those crummy canines will never help another mutt escape. (laughs evilly)

Cooler

Whoa! Looks like Katrina’s been a busy little bad girl.

Holly

Come on! Auntie Katrina’s way up there. She’ll never see you leave.

Catgut

(meows)

Brattina

Mommy Dearest! Where did the horsey come from? Can we keep him, Mommy Dearest? Oh, please! Can we keep him?

Katrina

Stop talking nonsense! What’s going on down there?

Brattina

(Off-screen) Holly’s letting Cooler and some dogs and a horsey go out the front gate.

Katrina

Cooler and some dogs?! Well, stop them, you fool! (noticing the wall has a crack) Oh, no! My wonderful wall!

Cooler

Looks like Katrina’s plan isn’t all it was cracked up to be. (laughs)

Katrina

NO!!

Katrina

Mutts drive me nuts!

Cooler

There it is, Teensy. Your new hap-hap-happy home.

Well, I guess this is goodbye, Nose Marie.

Nose Marie

Oh! But I don’t want you to go!

Now, now. Everyone has to leave the nest some time. Besides, I’ll come visit ya.

Nose Marie

You promise?

Positively! And remember, just let out a howl, (howling) and I’ll come running.

(to the audience) You know what? I’m happy.

Nose Marie

You know what? So am I.

Nose Marie

Oh, no! All the news! It can’t be!

Cooler

If I didn’t know better, I’d say that looks like Bright Eyes.

Howler

(howling) It is Bright Eyes.

We’re here at Bruno’s Meat Market scene of a bold robbery. Mr. Bruno, what exactly happened?

Well, I was slicing veal cutlets when this here vicious criminal-type canine comes in and steals my weenies.

Nose Marie

We have to stop Bright Eyes before she strikes again!

Howler

Yeah. If she stole weenies, she may be building up to b-b-baloney’s.

Cooler

Pound Puppies, let’s start pounding!

Howler

(Off-screen) Puppy Power, (howling) we have another puppy for you.

Cooler

This little dude would like a home.

Nose Marie

One from which you’ll never roam.

Bright Eyes

Search the city from up above and find this pup a child to love.

(barking) I wanna live with her! (rushing off and wearing a bobble hats and a scarf) When can we leave?

Whopper

Gee! You’re not in a hurry or anything else, are you?

Cooler

We’ll pupscalate upstairs and have you adopted before you can say… Katrina Stoneheart.

Katrina

Keep your eyes peeled, Brattina. I have a feeling something big is about to happen. Aha! There’s a big dopey mutt just asking to be caught! (She realizes it is Howler shaped hot-air balloon) Oh!

Howler

(howls)

Katrina

Brattina! Do something!

Brattina

No sweat, Mommy Dearest! I’ll smell those flying furballs!

Cooler

Uh-oh. Looks like we are the catch of the day!

Brattina

(singing) I’ve got the stinkers! I’m going to stink ‘em!

Whoa!

Katrina

You mangy mutts! Put us down!!

Howler

(howls) With pleasure.

Cooler

Okay, crew! Up, pup and away!

I don’t believe it!

(coming out and barking)

It’s a puppy just like the one I dreamed about!

(barks)

What a great bark! I think I’ll call you Arf!

Cooler

Ah. Another perfectamundo adaption.

Jody, what are you doing with that dog?

Can I keep him, mom? His name’s Arf.

(barks)

We’ve discussed this before, hon. No dogs. They’re too much work.

But, mom!

(barks again)

And besides, all dogs ever do is bark.

(barks again)

See what I mean? We don’t need the extra noise around here. (She goes back in)

(sadly) I guess I’ll (barking) go back to the pound now.

Cooler

Gee, this adoption wasn’t as perfectamundo as I thought.

Katrina

What do you think you’re doing?! Get off my truck this instant!

Cooler

Booga-booga-booga!

You know, Arf, Jody said you needed us. But after tonight, I think we need you even more.

Does that mean I can keep him, mom?

It sure does! But only if you promise never to pull a stunt like this again.

Oh, I promise!

(barks and then covers his mouth)

And, Arf, anything you wanna bark, it’s okay with me.

(barks again)

Cooler

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Howler

Arf! Arf! (howling)

Cooler

There you go, Henry. One cute little puparoo as promised.

Nose Marie

You’re sure your little ol’ parents said it was okay?

I’m sure. (giggling) Come on, Toby. Let’s show you to mom and dad, and thanks, Pound Puppies.

Nose Marie

Bless my dog bones! Little ol’ Whopper must be having a nightmare again.

Cooler

We better be pound bound before he wakes up Katrina.

Katrina

Blast it all! That moaning mongrel is at it again! Crying, crying, crying! I’ll give him something to cry about. (tripping over the stool) Ouch! (crashing into the closet) Oh! That pesky pooch has yapped his last yap!

Whopper

(moans)

Cooler

Whopper, baby cakes, what’s the problem-o?

Whopper

Something was after me. Yeah. (imagining it was a ghost, vampire and the army of werewolves) It was a ghost. Oh! Vampire had once to suck your blood. No, no. It’s an army of puppy-eating werewolves. (howling)

Nose Marie

Now, Whopper sugar, you just had another little old bad dream.

Bright Eyes

Jumping jelly beans! How are we ever gonna stop Whopper’s creepy crawly spooky nightmares?

Cooler

With some good old puppy power magic. Abracadoggy-dabra!