Parks and Recreation · Season 1
The Meagles are weird. The words that they say sound passive but seem aggressive. I feel like there should a be a term for that like "Nicey-Meany."
Yeah I just had to physically separate two 80-year-old men who were arguing about whether it was really Lena Horne in that grocery store in 1970.
Here are all the troublemakers boss.
Thank you. Meagles! I am not screwing around! Okay!? Lauren, no more discussion of Majorca. Majorca is off limits! Brian and Gloria, stop making Horatio feel bad that your daughter went to Yale, no one gives a shit! And Ginuwine...
...Yes?
Get it together!
[crying] Sorry April, Cathy started this.
[mocking] Cathy started this-I DON'T CARE!
Babe you are killing it!
I am right!?
Yes!
Even just thinking I'm a congressman makes me feel like one! Oh also I have a little secret, I'm drunk!
I am too! Ever since we had our kids it only takes like one sip of wine!
I feel so good and condifent...con...I feel condifent.
[drunk] Hey everybody! I'm Ben Wyatt! Listen, we of course are here to celebrate Donna and Joe and I have to say you know getting married is the bravest most wonderful thing you can do. Because everyday you come home and your just like "What!? It's you! I love you! You're my sexy roommate! We love each other!"
Wooo! He's talkin about me!
Yes I am baby doll! Look. Donna and Joe are great! You all, are great! And this wedding, is gonna be amazing! Let's get some music and dancing going. And I am Ben Wyatt and I very much APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!
[music starts playing and Leslie and Ben start drunk dancing]
You want me to shut that down?
No I liked it. Let the little man dance.
Oh God I'm remembering things. We called Jen last night didn't we?
Yeah we did. I also called 867-5309 a hundred times.
You left me four messages last night.
What?
They contain very specific policy positions.
[Jen holds up her phone]
[over phone] I wanna come out strong on education then I'll tack hard into fiscal responsibility!
Oh God...
[over phone] 867-5309!
I love that song.
[over phone] Jenny I got your numb- Hey babe it's ringing!
Wow honey you were a lot more lucid than I was.
Wait, were you guys drunk? That is hilarious! Oh you guys are gonna fit in so great in Washington. Most of Congress is drunk all of the time.
Oh my God! Oh! Look how beautiful you look!
Leslie, I'm not even in my dress yet.
[crying] But you're gonna be very soon!
Alright I wanna say something to my girls. Knope, your a softie but on the inside you are straight up boss. April, you're the exact opposite. Ya'll inspire me and I love you. And you too Michelle.
[Michelle walks up]
Michelle. You were my best friend from childhood. Until we lost touch because you thought your college boyfriend was into me. He was. I never gave him the time of day. But now, we're rebuilding our friendship. Is this wedding gonna be a test for you? Yes. But the doctors once told ya you were never gonna walk again so this should be easy right?
Wow what a complicated tapestry that is!
Garry is my real name. Yes, after 30 years, my coworkers are finally going to call me by my real name. Oh, boy, I'm blessed.
Donna! Joe! I hope you saved a slice of that cake for your estranged brother, Levandrious!
[gasps from the crowd]
What's up girl? Didn't expect to see your baby bro at your wedding huh? Well I'm here despite what you did to me all those years ago.
What I did!?! This is because of what YOU did!
Oh you must be referring to the microwave incident.
Yeah!
Don't worry. I brought it back.
[Levandrious picks up a microwave and throws it on the ground]
Now no-one gets any popcorn!
[Donna looks at April and smiles]
What did I do wrong now?
No, actually we at the IOW loved what you said in your speech.
Really!?
But, what we loved even more was how you, Ben gave Leslie a platform on which to speak her mind. Congratulations Ben Wyatt. You are this year's IOW Woman of the Year.
Son of a bitch!
[In a commercial] Hire Very Good Building Company for all your construction needs. Or do not. I am not a beggar.
[Leslie, who has a longstanding hatred for libraries and librarians, has just had a library named after her.]
[muttering] A fucking library?
[The series' last lines]
You ready, babe?
Yes. I'm ready.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
