I'm not sick I just have allergies okay! I took a claritin and I threw that up. So I took another one and I threw that up. And then I took a third and it stayed down! I'm getting better.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Who's your doctor?
Anne's my doctor. And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.
Stop...POOPING.
Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have…network connectivity problems.
104.1, Leslie you're dehydrated, I'm admitting you.
[flu-ridden] If I was sick could I do this.
[she just sits there and does nothing]
...What are you doing?
[flu-ridden] Cartwheels...Am I not doing them?
No.
[flu-ridden] It's not that I don't trust Ben, it's that I don't have faith in Ben. And also I'm starting to forget who Ben is.
My body is like a microchip. A grain of sand could destroy it! [exasperated] My body is a microchip...
They have one called the "Meat Tornado." Literally killed a guy last year.
You had me at "Meat Tornado."
What are you doing?
Hey! That flu medicine really helped. I feel a thousand percent better. Good as new.
[Leslie puts her pants around her neck like a scarf]
Does this scarf look okay? I don't wanna look stuffy but I also don't wanna look too schlubby.
Get back in that bed.
So no to the scarf?
Get back in the bed
No, I'm going to that meeting!
Either you get back in the bed or I will strap you down, I've done it before, don't test me!
[Leslie reluctantly climbs back into bed]
I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department...and that includes the men.
Hey have you seen Leslie?
[deliriously] I had a dream that she came into this room, stole my flu medicine, told me not to tell you and then disappeared through that hole in the wall.
...The door?
[After Leslie escapes the hospital to go to the Chamber of Commerce meeting]
Ben Wyatt! Hello!
Uhh hi Leslie...
Good to see you!
You too...
[They shake hands]
Wow you're really burning up.
Can I get some money for the cab that I took over here please?
Sure, how much?
I'm not sure. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it. Do you know the exchange rate?
...
So should we do this? Oh boy hold on...be careful.
What?
The floor and the wall just switched.
...Okay.
Walk very carefully.
Okay. It's showtime. [delirious, to wall poster] Good evening everyone, I'm Leslie Monster and this is Nightline.
Okay I wouldn't open with that.
That was amazing. That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA Finals. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. That was…that was Leslie Knope.
BOBusiness Owner
Are we going to get the same sales tax incentives we used to?
That's a very good question sir and I would counter with my own question which is: why is half of your face all swirly?
Okay! Umm unfortunately Leslie has another very important meeting right now so if you have any other questions you can just direct them towards me.
Give it up everybody for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap!
Alright! Okay. [ushers Leslie off the stage]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.