Babe how much should I sell this hat for?
I dunno, eight cents?
Honey! This is the hat I was wearing the first time I heard "Vitalogy" by Pearl Jam.
Ooh...$900.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Leslie has to give up the house she wanted for her and Ben]
Well my boyfriend might not be moving back for a while so I have to back out. Just wanted to look at it one more time.
MRMartha The Realtor
You know I can't give you your deposit back.
I know.
MRMartha The Realtor
And there's a $300...
Alright Martha I get it!
[In their future home, Ben goes to one knee in front of Leslie.]
…oh my God, what are you doing?
I'm thinking about my future. [he pulls out a box and opens it, revealing a ring] I am deeply, ridiculously, in love with you. And above everything else, I just…I-I want to be with you forever. So Leslie Knope, will you—
Wait, wait, okay? Just—I need to remember this.
Sure.
Give me a second.
Okay.
[she pauses to catch her breath, barely holding back tears]
Leslie—
No, no, no, no, hold on. Just—I need another second, please. I need to remember every little thing about how perfect my life is, right now, at this exact moment.
[smiling] Okay.
[they pause, looking around the room nervously]
You good?
Yeah! I'm good.
Leslie Knope, will you—
YES!
[he leaps to his feet and they kiss passionately]
—marry me?
Oh, yeah!
Okay! [they resume kissing]
If there's anyone who can bring my parents together, its NO ONE. No one can bring my parents together.
I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops!
And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints.
We're getting married!
All right.
I can never tell if people are lying to me. I hope that doesn't come up in my police work
Just call me Bond, Municipal Bond.
Welcome to Thought For Your Thoughts, I'm your host Derry Murbles, sitting in for Nina Joplin who is touring the country performing a spoken word opera about pear-shaped women. My guest today is City Councilwoman Leslie Knope.
It is a pleasure to be back, Derry. Your show last week on dolphin lactation...was just riveting radio. Derry my team and I are trying to build a park and we need input on the design from you, the citizens of Pawnee. So I guess I'm here to send out the bat-signal.
A bat-signal, for listeners who might not know, refers to the children's character the Bat-Man, a strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally.
...That's correct. Well put. This park is gonna be a celebration of Pawnee, by Pawnee, and for Pawnee. So you know send in your plan, or your resume and quick...Please hurry...This is all gonna fall apart if you don't hurry.
Wow! Beautiful fountain!? Perfectly manicured shrubbery!? This is like Parks Department porn! This guy is great! I don't care if he's some junkie, war criminal pimp. I am not gonna change my mind!
His name is Wrestin Saint James. He's from Eagleton.
Oh I've changed my mind.
Sometimes when I rant about Eagleton I forget to breathe and I pass out.
No we cannot have someone from Eagleton design a park for Pawnee. We have had a blood feud that has lasted for 200 years!
We don't have a lot of time and he is the first decent candidate. So let's at least go meet the guy.
Yeah. That's a good idea. Then we can reject him face to face. I like your plan.
...
Chris gave me this great job as a weekend security guard at Pawnee City Hall. Only one problem. It's a terrible job.
No one from Eagleton has ever wanted to help anyone from Pawnee for any reason. In 1988 we were hit by a tornado. We asked Eagleton for help and they claimed they weren't home. An entire town claimed they weren't home.
Here I have designed something very important. Why don't you start work on that right away?
Yes sir!
[to the camera] It's a flight of stairs that leads to nowhere.
I don't know if you knew this, but Leslie was born in Eagleton.
Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.