Remember a couple of months ago, when I took you on that blind date?
Remember it? I'm still having therapy for it?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I don't know what the younger generation is coming to. They can't even swear without effing and blinding.
(upon losing a chunk of hair to one of Del's super-sharp combs) I'm going bald. Derek, I am 24 years old and I'm going bald!
That's supposed to be a sign of something.
Yeah, it's a sign that I'm going bald.
You want to hear a sob story? I can tell you a sob story. I have just found out that my wife has been lying to me.
No!
Yeah. Every morning she says she's going to leave me and, when I come home at night, she's still there.
I can't swim, Del.
You used to be a sailor.
Don't mean a thing. Nelson couldn't swim.
Of course he couldn't. He only had one bloody arm. He would have gone around in circles, wouldn't he?
[Del, Rodney, and Albert are sailing on a boat to Holland, and end up lost in the middle of the North Sea.]
He's something else ain't he? And what about all the currents they got round here? We could have drifted anywhere by now.
Yes, he's right and all ain't he? We're in the middle of the North Sea ain't we? It's got more currents than a hot-cross bun.
Can't you just find The Bear?
Well what does it look like?
Well it looks like a bloody rabbit don't it!!!
Holland?!
GMGas Man
What!
Which way to Holland?!
GMGas Man
It's over there!
Thank you John! (to Albert) Albert turn left, Holland is that way. (to Rodney) See Rodney, don't know where to go you just got to ask.
We got lost in the middle of the north sea. Luckily we spotted the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry and followed it.
AAbdul
And that's how you got to Hull?
No! That's how we got to Zeebrugge, it was going the wrong bloody way!
[Anna walks in pregnant. Albert is told to say hello]
Good evening to you all.
[In response to Albert suggesting Anna may either have twins, triplets, or quadroplets.]
He's right and all. She might be sitting in there with a belly full of people!
(seeing Rodney "playing" with Duke) Oi, Rodney! Take your leg out of that dog's mouth, will you?
[Although Del promised Boycie a baby boy, he can only deliver a girl.]
It's amazing, innit? Everything you buy off him has got something missing.
[Anna's baby girl turns out to be black, and Marlene wants to keep her.]
We could say it's a throwback.
for gawd sake Marlene!I might be able to con people into buying my cars, I might be able to convince them that you conceived and gave birth in seven days flat, but how the hell am I going to persuade them my grandad was Louis Armstrong?!?
FOFather O'Keith
So to what do I owe this honour?
I have come to confess my sins.
FOFather O'Keith
Del, please! I've been invited out to dinner this evening.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Only Fools and Horses pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.