Only Fools and Horses quotes

Del

One of my most favouritist meals is Duck à l'Orange, but I don't know how to say that in French.

Rodney

It's canard.

Del

You can say that again bruv!

Rodney

No the French word for duck is canard.

Del

Is it? I thought that was something to do with the QE2?

Rodney

No that's Cunard. They're the ones with the boats and what have you. The French for duck is canard.

Del

Right lovely jubbly. Right, so how do the French say à l'Orange then?

Rodney

A l'Orange!

Del

What, the same as we do?

Rodney

Yes.

Del

Oh dear, it's a pity they don't use more of our words innit eh?

Rodney

Here's another one of them, Del! It's like a geriatric Village of the Damned!

Del

I don't know about St. Claire a la Chappelle, they should rename this place "Trottersville"!

Del

Captain Corelli's Mandolin? More like Captain Birdseye's Banjo!

Del

We're just gonna have to let him go then.

Rodney

We can't just let him go! A stranger on this estate? Imagine what the gangs will do to him?

Denzil

Yeah. For all we know, he could be part of Al-Qaeda!

Rodney

Don't be stupid, Denzil.

Del

Yeah. I mean, does he look like he works in a furniture store?

Boycie

Have you ever spent an evening in Trigger's flat!? It's like holding a seance with Mr. Bean.

Gary!

Sid

This group do a tribute to Robson and Jerome.

Rodney

Why?

Del

Well Boycie, I hope you won't take offence and what I'm about to say, but me and Rodney think you've murdered Marlene and buried her in the garden.

Boycie

How dare you! Murdered my wife and buried her in the garden? I have never been so insulted in my life. You know how much I've spent on that garden! You think I'm going to dig a hole in it?

Trigger

(talking about his invention of a backscratcher made from chopsticks) Raquel, can you pass a message onto Del Boy?

Raquel

OK.

Trigger

Tell him there's been a bit of a setback. My paraffin heater melted the chopsticks. I might have to go to a Chinese shop. He'll understand.

Cassandra

Why do they do that?

Raquel

It's like I've told you, Cassandra. Women are from Venus, men are from Peckham!

Cassandra

There's you. (realisation hits her)

Rodney

Yeah there's me. July 1960. Before I was born.

Cassandra

Who is it?

Rodney

He's my father.

Cassandra

But your father...

Rodney

My real father, Cass. My biological old man.

Raquel

Who is he?

Del

His name was Freddie Robdal. He was a mate of my dad's. My mum was having a rough time with the old man. He was very handy, if you know what I mean, with women. Not much cop when it came to men, but a hard nut with women and kids. Anyway, one day, my dad brought Freddie home, and him and my mum got on like a house on fire. They had the same taste in music and... well, everything.

Cassandra

And what was he, this Freddie Robdal?

Rodney

He was a gentleman safe-cracker. They called him "The Raffles of Peckham". People have mentioned him before and we sounded similar. He was a connoisseur of fine wines, a gourmet, a real snappy dresser, and big-time charmer.

Cassandra

So, how are you similar?

Rodney

We're about the same height.

Raquel

And you've known all these years?

Del

No. Well...at least, not when Rodney was a baby. But...when you get to 20, and your 6-year-old brother is taller than you, it makes you think, don't it? I never knew really who he was. As a youngster, I was told to call him "Uncle Fred". And then a few years back, Uncle Albert got drunk at an old folks' do... It was a wet corset contest. Anyway, he told me all about Freddie and my mum. I don't know if you noticed, but there are no photographs of my mum in this house, except for a couple of close-ups.

Raquel

Well, yeah. But, I assumed your dad had taken them when he left.

Del

No. He only used to take money and things that he could sell. Then Uncle Albert told me...it was my Aunt Reenie who sorted it all after Mum's funeral. You see every picture of Mum included Freddie Robdal, and my Aunt Reenie knew that as Rodney got older, people would start to see the stimularities, so she burnt them.

Raquel

Do you think Rodney knows?

Del

(when Rodney asks if he's anything like his father, Freddie the Frog) Freddie the Frog was a professional burglar. He was disloyal to his friends. He was a womaniser, a home-breaker, a con-man, a thief, a liar, and a cheat... So no Rodney, you're nothing like him.

Del

Can I ask you a question, Rodders?

Rodney

Fire away.

Del

Where did that runway come from?

Rodney

I don't fancy making that film now.

Del

You know what, Rodders? That's a bloody good idea! (both Trotter Brothers laugh)