[to Margaret] Yes, I'm enjoying this glass of glue.
S3Monday Morning Will Be Fine
Monday morning will be fine.
S3Dreamland (2)
Unbelievable! Absolu-...oh, good morning, ladies. (to Margaret) Can you believe that? They've lost the left shoe! Lost it! And do you know what he had the nerve to...? He said he'd only charge me half price!
Evening, Mr Meldrew. I can't stay long...
Right you are. Bye! (slams the door)
[to Victor] We went there for our third anniversary. Do you remember? And you took me to that huge funfair place, 'Dreamland'. We were like a couple of excited children.
S3The Beast in the Cage (4)
Oh, God Al-mighty!
[to Margaret] Sucky sweet! I'll be sucking on that exhaust pipe in a minute, much more of this.
Mirror image of your life really, isn't it? Car journey on a bank holiday. First fifty-odd miles on the go all the way - a sense of direction - bowling along. Get past sixty, everything slows down to a sudden crawl and you realise you're not going anywhere any more. All the things you thought you were going to do that never came to anything. And you can't turn the clock back. One way traffic just gradually grinding to a complete halt.
There's a bloke we can't stand any longer,
Always on the bleeding moan;
Every time we mend his bloody Honda,
He's back grousing on the phone.
First we fixed his car's ignition,
Checked his brakes and clutch, and then
Overhauled his whole transmission.
He just brought it back again.
Victor Meldrew
Victor Meldrew
He can stick up his bum (up his bum)
He can bugger off to kingdom come.
[complaining on being stuck for a long time in a traffic jam] I wish I was dead!
[looking at a road map] Ah yes, here we are. Hell on Earth. I though for a minute we had taken a wrong turning.
[In traffic jam.] Yes I've always said that for a really super Bank Holiday treat you've got to go a long way to beat four and a half hours staring up a horse's BOTTOM! [Camera reveals horsebox in front.]
[In traffic jam. Mobile phone rings:] Hello? What? No we CAN'T bloody well move any further forward. I couldn't give a bugger if you are. 5 yards my foot it's 4 at the most and where's that going to get you anyway? Well you can bloody well LUMP IT THEN CAN'T YOU!? (Horn honks) And you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's One Foot In The Grave pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.