Mrs. Warboys quotes from One Foot In The Grave

Mrs Warboys

It’s only a story.

Victor

I'm sorry about that. I really am.

Mrs. Warboys

I got about halfway through and that was as much as I could stomach, I'm afraid.

Victor

Well, you know what it's like. The man in the shop said it was just good harmless family entertainment.

Mrs. Warboys

Harmless? When that man in the spacesuit [she puts her right hand in front of her face] got that thing... [she makes a face] It was two and a half hours before I could leave the bathroom.

Victor

[not really listening] Dear, oh dear.

Mrs. Warboys

Anyway, what time do you have to be at the airport?

Victor

[looks at his watch] Oh, we've got another two hours. We should be fine.

Mrs. Warboys

Well, tell Margaret thanks very much and have a nice holiday, won't you? Both of you? And go easy on the ouzo.

Victor

Yes, we will, thank you very much. [he turns to leave] We'll see you when we get back.

Mrs. Warboys

Send me a postcard. [she picks up her spoon, then taps one of the eggs. Unbeknownst to her, it's one of the alligator eggs the dustman gave to Victor. She finally breaks it, then, horrified at what she sees, she screams.]

Mrs Warboys

Evening, Mr Meldrew. I can't stay long...

Victor

Right you are. Bye! (slams the door)

Victor

You must have seen it as a mistake when they brought it out!

Mrs Warboys

Well, I don't know what your suit looks like, do I?

Victor

Well, it doesn't bloody well look like this! I mean where do you think I shop? King Kong at C&A!