NSNick Swainey
(cheerfully) Remember me? Nick Swainey, Outwardbound for the Elderly. I called round that day and you told me to piss off.
S2In Luton Airport, No One Can Hear You Scream (1)
S2We Have Put Her Living in the Tomb (2)
[talking in his sleep] Watch out, he's got the pastry. He's got the pastry!
[talking in his sleep] Not with the pastry... Not with the pastry!
[talking in his sleep] It's all gone now. There's no more pastry.
S2Timeless Time (6)
When you think about it, nothing ever exists...The future doesn't exist because it hasn't happened yet; the past doesn't exist because it's already over. But the present doesn't exist, because as soon as you start to think about it it's already in the past. Which doesn't exist any more.
[to Margaret, on the time between one Xmas and the next] Yes, it's about two months now. They'll be draping tinsel over the Easter Eggs before long. Why can't they let you live your life at your own speed?
S2Love and Death (5)
I was force fed Weetabix puree and sentenced to death, an average day really.
Unbelievable!
[to Margaret] Well I can't lie like this forever, can I? Like a bed-ridden Dalek.
S2Who's Listening? (7)
[on the topic of Christmas shopping] I rather fancy having every bone in my body crushed to a pulp today, perhaps I'll go down WHSmith and spend five minutes in the book department.
[to Margaret] [their room is full of garden gnomes] It's like sleeping in bloody Snow White's cottage.
All the miseries in the world seem a hundred times worse at Christmas.
[talking Margaret about Christmas] I don't suppose there was ever any magic in it. Only in old films with Jimmy Stewart, never in real life.
MMeldrew
[talking about Cilla Black] She's got a very infectious laugh. Victor Meldrew: So has a hyena with anthrax.
RCReverend Croker
[to Margaret & Victor] Faith is absolute or it's nothing at all.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's One Foot In The Grave pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.