I mean we were just asking for trouble weren't we? Leaving Mrs Warboys to hold the fort when this arrived (points at massive 50' telly) [imitating Mrs Warboys) It's a whopper isn't it Mr Meldrew.
S6The Executioner's Song (1)
S6Tales of Terror (2)
[to Margaret] Why do people always want to meet up?
[later in episode, to Victor] It's like you say. Why do people always want to meet up?
S6Threatening Weather (4)
[to Victor] If it's sunny in the morning, you don't want to know it's going to rain in the afternoon.
[lying on floor, talking to Margaret] You know I never watch the weather forecasts. If it's a nice morning and they say it's going to be worse in the afternoon, how can you enjoy the morning? Best not to know about it. It's the same with life in general, there are certain things you don't ever want to think about.
Well, if that doesn't take the biscuit, I don't know what does! Did you see that? Young bloke from down the road with his girlfriend only having sex in the back seat of our car Well, I had forgotten to close the sun roof Bold as brass, just merrily getting on with it without a thought for my suspension They didn't even stop when I opened the door Stark naked, the pair of them And he had the cheek to tell me to go and put some clothes on Said I was lowering the whole tone of the area.
You mean I was fart-arsing about in front of an armed psychopath doing ruddy tai chi exercises jamming my hands in the air like a simpleton I could've ended up with a bullet through my [realises his cap may have got the hole from a rifle] ...
S6The Dawn of Man (5)
Frankly Mr Skinthorpe, what side of bed I got out of this morning is not a matter I consider relevant. The fact is that the Open Sesame Garage door which you installed last week has just jammed for the third time, and as BMW rather short sightedly failed to include a limbo dancing option on the new 300 series, I am keen to learn how you expect me to get the car on the road.
NNigel
Yes, I'll tell you precisely what's 'chafing my hide' this morning, Mr Gorrindge. It concerns a majestic 2000 millennium globe which I foolishly ordered from your company for my brother's birthday, which I can't help noticing has arrived with two Northen Hemispheres.
If by 'one of our top service engineers' you are referring to that child with the head-full of glue who spent three hours here yesterday wobbling around on a ladder, presumably in an attempt to get his testicles to drop, I was not impressed Mr Skinthorpe.
NNigel
Unfortunately not, Mr Gorrindge and whilst a world with two Europes and no Australia may have certain cultural advantages, I'm afraid it doesn't quite fall in with the theory of continental drift.
Well I can't say with any certainty, Mr Skinthorpe, whether it was Rick or Dave. Although he very sensibly had a ring fitted through his nose like a cow, I'm afraid the name tag seemed to have fallen off. Really? Well how fine and dandy for him.
NNigel
Well it depends what you mean by "very noticeable" Mr Gorrindge. Had my brother been horribly blinded by some hideous accident then all our troubles would be over.
Well please offer him my profound congratulations, Mr Skinthorpe, and tell him to get his arse round here now and finish the job.
NNigel
I shall expect a proper replacement in 24 hrs or heads and hemispheres will roll.
S6Things Aren't Simple Any More (6)
MMMargaret Meldrew
[talking to priest] We're all just characters really. Aren't we? In a giant soap opera. One by one, god gets bored with us and decides to kill us off. Victor Meldrew mown down by hit and run driver on his way home from a party - sounds depressingly plausible. A party his wife practically begged him to go to...The trouble with the world nowadays - nobody does anything about anything...It's all speed and greed.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's One Foot In The Grave pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.