Christian: Take the coffeemaker, Sean. When you become a big, successful Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, this will remind you of where you come from.

Christian: There is no pro bono for boning a pro.

Christian: There's an epidemic of obesity in this country and it's our job to exemplify a healthy alternative.
Sean: Passing on the Key Lime Pie or that second bottle of Merlot might be a more reasonable way to set an example.
Christian: Diet? [Edit] No, Sean. We're in the quick fix biz.

Christian: They both have physical problems that need treating. What makes his face more deserving than her tits?
Sean: And you're just a goddamn Mother Teresa, Christian.

Christian: They don't speak a word of English and only love me for my money. But they don't quit until the super Viagra wears off, so who gives a shit.

Christian: Think about it, Sean. Look at what your 70-hour work week did to Matt.
Sean: Your genes are as responsible for that as are my work habits.

Christian: This is for old times' sake. Tell me what you don't like about yourself.
Evetta: Can I answer that one? Cause there are a few things I don't like about Driving Miss Crazy here.
Mrs. Grubman: No, you can't answer that one, Evetta. If I wanted someone with an opinion, I'd have hired Star Jones.

Christian: What we had was spiritual, Kimber. I made you see God everytime you came.

Christian: With the amount of high-calorie choices available to consumers these days and the enormous portions restaurants are shoving in your face, surgery is the only solution for some people.
Liz: Standing proud with your fat-ternity brother, Christian? You can't hide behind those slimming scrubs anymore, Superchub. I saw the tape.
Christian: I don't think it's appropriate to discuss your new jerk-off material over surgery.
Liz: Oh, I didn't masturbate to your sex tape, Christian. I am not a chubby-chaser.
Christian: Oh yeah? Can you still find a cooch under that gunt? [turns to Michelle, who just entered the operationg room] Michelle, can you stop contaminating the sterile environment?

Christian: You and I both know you spent hours deliberating which dress in your closet best displays that world-class cleavage of yours. Since you love being a businesswoman so much, Michelle, let me give you the bottom line. You either get real with me and give in to what we're both feeling, or sell me my business back. Although my nurses might enjoy it, I don't like doing surgery with a hard-on.

Christian: You know what my first impression of Hollywood is, Sean? It's a shithole. Where's the excitement I grew up reading about? Where's the glamour, huh? This town needs me. Which is why I'm moving here.

Christian: You weren't exactly upfront about your past.
Michelle: Would you have been if you were me?

Christian: You're right. I suck. I suck as a friend. I suck as a lover. I suck as a fiancée. I'm tired of defending myself.

Christian: Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tasty this morning, Michelle.
Liz: Oh I get it. A straight man mentions sex, it's not sexual harrassment. It's foreplay.

Conor: I went to an all-boys prep school, and there are a lot of girls at my college. My mom always told me that people would love me for my big green eyes and my good heart, but I've come to realise girls also like it when you can unhook their bras by yourself.