NCIS: Los Angeles · Season 1
[Hetty walks in on an injured Callen and Sam]
I see that the ice and aspirin club is at it again. Every time I come here, I feel like I've stepped into a damn Hardy Boys novel. I gather that you couldn't talk your way out of this one?
Yeah, we had a little bit of a language barrier.
And a 'I want you dead' barrier.
[on a segway] I'm a firm believer that what you drive reflects who you are.
[chuckles] Exactly.
Whatever.
[looking at Callen] The way you drive.
What Admin Division is encrypted?
The ones used to cover something confidential.
Take Kensi. [Everyone looks at Sam] Yeah, you heard me. I know you're taking PCH. I'm not sitting in traffic. So, I'll find out everything I can about Yeoman Rush. You two suck exhaust for the next two hours.
You suit yourself. Come on Kens. Hey, what do you say we, uh, stop for some donuts?
I love donuts.
You didn't say anything about donuts!
You gotta admire their spirit. One tragedy after another, and they just keep moving on.
You have to otherwise, it eats you alive.
Hey, what about me, huh? I-I got radiation poisoning. Come - come on. I-I need medical attention.
Hey, hey, hey. I'm gonna give you two of these, okay? This will help you. [Drops two pills in Omar's mouth.] Alright, better?
Hey man! These are breath mints!
Never underestimate the importance of good oral hygiene.
[Sam and Callen enter the office, Sam finds a Chinese spear and begins playing with it.]
Do I have to remind you of the nunchuk incident? You get hurt; you're driving yourself to the ER. That's all I'm saying.
Wushu is the Chinese martial art with 18 arms or weapons. I prefer the steel whip or the meteor hammer, but you have to stay in practise with all of them.
No doubt. I mean, you never know when a horde of murderous Mongols are gonna come galloping over Laurel Canyon.
[blows a whistle from the balcony to the rest of the team] All hands on deck.
[to Hetty] You gave him a whistle?
Oh, do I look as if I've gone daft? I'd sooner give a chain saw to a spider monkey. At least I took his Segway away. I'll speak to Mr. Beale.
Sooner than later, okay. Because the next time he toots that thing, he won't be using his lips.
You want to be briefed on this?
I don't know. Do I?
I can run it by Director Vance, if you prefer.
Oh Lord, no. One of the reasons I'm here is to protect him as a designated fall guy. 'I had no previous knowledge of the operation, Mister Secretary. That mad woman went off her rocker and acted autonomously.'
You're the first line of defense?
Yeah, you gotta get by me first.
Go with God, Mister Callen or whoever it is who watches over you.
I have a guardian angel. She's tiny, but very tough.
[Deeks is undercover for the LAPD and Kensi for the NCIS but they don't know the real identity of the other.]
I emailed him some photos, private photos.
You mean like the two of you watching the sunset at Santa Monica Pier or the kind where you're not wearing anything but a smile?
Certain kind of person finds photos like that, they end up on the Internet.
Wow. So definitely, uh, x-rated then, huh? Nobody under 17 admitted? Well played.
[Hetty asks Deeks to be the liaison between NCIS and LAPD and hands him a file.]
Hmm... Who are you guys?... I mean... I mean... H-how did you get all this information?... I mean the only thing missing here is... (She hands him a pen)
No need to date it.
$50,000 limit. However, if more than $5000 is charged to this card, I will come for you with my letter opener. Is that clear, Mr. Deeks?
Got it. Wait, what? You want me to sign this? Cause it's Cal - it's Callen's card.
And you're the guarantor.
[Kensi and Deeks talking through their earpieces]
I'm gonna call you Fern, okay?
Don't you dare call me Fern!
[Deeks walking toward Kensi]
[Loudly] Fern! Baby girl. Hoo. It's been a long time.
I'm supposed to look like I can spend 50 and you're on the hook after five?
She threatened me with a letter opener!
I guess some people gotta learn the hard way.
Why? What are you-?
[Loudly to a waitress] We'll take two more bottles.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS: Los Angeles pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
