NCIS: Los Angeles · Season 1
You got me a Cronut?
Um, I did, but that was a while ago, and I left it at your doorstep, so that's old, don't eat it.
N-N-N-No, d-don't throw it away. It's the thought that counts, I'm gonna frame this thing.
You're so weird.
I mean, look at that. It's like America and France made slow, sweet love and then had a pastry baby.
What happens next?
It's a love story.
Oh, uh, I need to inform you all that because of an executive order, Omni's shares of Norris BioTech are now the property of the U.S. And Dr. Leonard will be the acting president of the company. That's it.
Good for him. See? I told you. He's, uh, socially awkward and annoying because he's a super genius.
Great. What's your excuse?
Whoa, wow, did that just happen? Did you just make a torture joke?
I'm sorry. Was that too soon?
No, no, that actually may be too late.
What? Oh, come on. You haven't been here. It's been building up!
All right, you know what, fire away.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Get it out of your system. Let's hear it.
[chuckles] Do your new teeth have satellite radio or just terrestrial? Think a surfboard company would make a leash for your gun? Would have screamed louder had they cut your bangs? [puts hands up in the air in celebration]
Wow
It feels good! I missed you.
Sorry....what?
You know what I mean
I do
You know, the goal here was to look like a Hollywood hipster. Ensemble you got going, it's like Gap threw up some Hot Topic. Definitely not hip.
Yeah, well, it takes a special kind of guy to wear jeans that skinny.
They're tight. I mean, they're real tight. They're tight because I need my space. You know what I mean? Tight in all the right places.
And yet you still found room to hide your gun.
They're like Archie and Edith.
It's more like Archie and Meathead.
I thought that party was VIPs only.
Yeah, no... I... not-not that I'd been, but if I had been, which I'm not saying that I have, it's only because the security guards are very pro-LAPD.
Which probably means he used his badge to get in.
Of course I wouldn't do that. That's against, uh, LAPD regulations.
You good?
Yeah! I’m good! (Sam, Callen and Kensi all stare at him.) God, you guys, I’m fine, all right? You can stop walking around me on eggshells. I understand it’s my first day back and you’re worried about me but I’m … I’m good. You know what? I’m … I’m better than good. I haven’t wept the bed in over a week and the voices in my head have all been going away. (Deeks starts talking to himself.) Shut up! No, you shut up! I’m fine!
Seems good to me.
Thank you.
I’m 6’3, 225.
That is big!
It’s not big! You know, it’s above average, I’ll give you that. But I’m not like some oversized behemoth. I’ve got good proportions, see.
What is this all about?
The other night my family was watching Project Runway and all of a sudden it became funny time in the Hanna household. So they were talking about how I need a makeover.
Ah, ah, ah!
Don’t start! When I find something that works I stick with it.
I hear you! Our lives are dangerous enough without taking any fashion risks.
I tried to mix it up. I went over to Robertson to pick up some jeans over the weekend.
You bought clothes on Robertson?
No! You know why? Because they don’t carry clothes for "men my size". That’s what the guy said to me.
Wow! And he’s still alive?
When did grown men start wearing skinny jeans? Huh? Could you picture me in a pair of skinny jeans? I couldn’t fit my arm in a pair of skinny jeans.
You wore huskies as a kid, didn’t you?
Why do I talk to you?
Because even a man your size needs a friend.
(Sam is putting handcuffs on a suspect.)
Someone get this giant off my back!!
He's not a giant. He's just husky!
(The team is walking away while Deeks starts talking to himself.)
Yo, Deeks, that was crazy man! You just … saved that woman’s life and fell down a 90-foot cliff! What? Don’t worry about it. That’s just the job, man. It’s what I do. Break hearts and save lives! Huh? Just knowing you guys care, that’s enough. Right? Argh! Uh, what does it mean when you’ve got shooting pains going down your back and you can’t feel your legs?
Why'd you wait with the bodies? You could have been long gone by the time we got there.
Because I wanted you to know what happened, what Callen was going to do.
Why?
Because Callen is a friend of mine and I don't want him to die today.
(To Deeks) Are you trying to annoy me?
He doesn't have to try, he's naturally annoying.
Uh, sorry that took so long. I was stuck behind an old man on a scooter for the past six blocks.
I'm sure he appreciated your patience.
Well, he flipped me off before I finally passed him.
He was probably just waving.
He called me a ginger bitch.
Yeah, I got nothing for that.
Hetty, hi. Can, I, uh... ask you a question?
No.
No, as in, I can't ask you a question?
No. Upstairs, there's a case.
You're not even curious of what the question is?
No. (walks away)
Okay. I cherish these conversations. Feels like we're really bonding as a couple.
Think the neighbors had any idea they were living next to a drug cartel?
Like your neighbors have any idea who they're living next to.
Of course they do, a handsome bachelor.
A quiet man who keeps to himself? Classic description of a serial killer.
I wouldn't mind tailing Agent Ambrose
He's cagier than a loaded weasel....What? They can be pretty cagey!
I never leave my weasel loaded
I bet you don't
Do I need to separate you two?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS: Los Angeles pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
