NCIS: Los Angeles quotes

Callen

We're putting together a good case here, okay? A big one.

Sam

Hetty, Zafari's up to something, we can't stop now.

Hetty

This is coming from "on high". When I say "on high", I mean those with the political venom to end the careers of each and every one of us, including Director Vance.

Kensi

I can't believe this, all we need is a little more time.

Hetty

I know, I know. If I may slip into the vernacular, "It sucks". But when you hear from me again in an hour or so, you will shut this down.

Kensi

I got it! Cowboy bar on Sunset?

Callen

With the mechanical bull?

Kensi

Yeah!

Callen

No! Hetty plus mechanical bull plus tequila equals bar fight. Trust me I've been there. Dom? Is that a doll?

Uh-huh no, this is one of only five hundred Alpha Centauri Imperial Class Guardians Bobble-heads in the entire world. This is not a doll.

Callen

You're playing with an alien doll? At work?

How about Disneyland?

Kensi

I hate Disneyland.

Callen

Kensi hates Disneyland.

Sam

The happiest place on earth.

Kensi

I have issues with grown men in furry costumes.

Sam

Unless it's Thursday night?

Nate

What are we talking about?

Quality time with the team.

Callen

Apparently it's been too long since we hung out unless there's a corpse involved.

Nate

Bowling, it's great competition, builds camaraderie and you get to wear those funny shoes.

[Unison] No bowling!

Nate

Okay, what about the cowboy bar on Sunset?

Hetty

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Sam

They have a mechanical bull, Hetty.

Hetty

Oh, no, never mind.

Kensi

Ty, could you look at this?

Aw, poor little fellow. Who'd want to shoot you?

Kensi

You talk to your computer parts?

Do you talk to your plants when you water 'em?

Kensi

Just my orchids, but they can be tricky.

Callen

He hasn't been around long enough to make enemies, Sam.

Sam

So what are you saying? It was random?

Callen

Maybe. I mean, bad things happen in this town.

Sam

Wrong place, wrong time? Come on, G!

Callen

He's a kid. Driving down an alley in a bad part of town. It's as good as anything else we got.

Sam

Which is a lot of nothing! You know as well as I do, no one gets snatched for nothing.

Callen

Sam doesn't play well with others and he doesn't like to share his toys.

Callen

Besides, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Nate

Oh, I don't know. Let's see. Sam gets made. They kill him. Then you, Kensi and the others storm the place and the Dutchman releases the toxin killing all of you and half of Los Angeles.

Which half?

Nate

I'm going to go brief the Director.

Sam

Whoa, not cool.

Callen

Definitely not cool.

Sam

You want me to handle this?

Callen

Knock yourself out.

Sam

[Examines the box, and pulls out a king cobra]It's stuffed, it's a king cobra, its venom could kill a grown man inside fifteen minutes.

Callen

I thought these things were bigger.

Sam

Yeah, not so big until he stretched out and locked on to your butt.

Callen

You really have a GSA class six safe in your den?

Sam

Told you, I have to keep my valuables safe.

Callen

What valuables?

Sam

[laughs] I have a mint condition Patrick Ewing rookie card, a football signed by the 1986 New York Giants and the entire run of the Silver Surfer comic book series. Plus, a couple of tickets for the Lakers-Knicks tomorrow night. And they're both spoken for.

Callen

What else?

Sam

What do you mean, what else? Why does there have to be a what else?

Callen

Because that was way too easy. [Sam laughs] And because that is your 'I'm hiding something' laugh.

Sam

There is nothing else.

Callen

There is definitely something else.

Sam

[pulling up in front of a suspect's house] We're here.

Callen

That can't be it.

Sam

Conversation's over.

Callen

Is this a Navy Seal thing?

Sam

I'll show you a Navy Seal thing. [They get out of the car]

Callen

I'm waiting.

Sam

I have a Michael Jackson glove, from the Bad tour in '87. He threw it out in the front row of the Madison Square Garden show.

Callen

One of those white gloves?

Sam

He was the King of Pop, G.

Callen

Yeah. With the sequins?

Sam

The King of Pop.

Callen

Why was it just the one glove and not two?

Sam

If you have to ask, you just don't get it.

Sam

Then why pay a heist crew? Why not hire a hacker?

Eric

Because banks have unique security protocols for funds frozen by the FBI. You have to have physical access to the actual terminal to move the money.

Callen

But that's never stopped you before.

Eric

Well, most hackers don't have access to the toys that I do. I can make us all very wealthy in about two minutes. [Sam & Callen stare at him] I mean if you wanted me to. [They keep staring] Not that you would want me to, not that I would want to. I'm just saying... you know.

Kensi

Am I the only one who wonders why there's a suspect in every case who happens to be a bachelor?

Nate

Well, seeing as how criminals tend to be males with anti-social proclivities...

Kensi

And also wonders why that always seems to be the vector that we go after first?

Hetty

The lowest hanging fruit is the easiest to pick, Agent Blye.

Sam

You don't have a TV, you don't read the newspaper, you clearly don't spend any time getting ready.

Callen

Well, maybe I was working out.

Sam

Heh, you don't work out.

Callen

I run.

Sam

Yeah, when people are shooting at us!

Callen

Mm-hmm. Alright, you know what? I slept in.

Sam

With who? You barely sleep.

Callen

There's nobody.

Sam

Come on, I think it would be great for you to be in a relationship.

Callen

Sam, how many times are we going to have this conversation- you are my partner not my mother.

Sam

(makes a womans voice) I just want you to be happy and find a good girl.

Sam

What are the chances this isn't a suicide?

Eric

I'd say zero percent.

Callen

What do you know that we don't?

Eric

Mmmmm... The words to every TV theme song?