A character in My Wife and Kids
Michael
My Wife and Kids · 66 quotes
Most-quoted character in My Wife and Kids: in 35 of its 66 quotes
Most scenes with: Jay (13), Junior (9), Claire (2)
Put him [a customer] down!
I'm trying, but I don't know where to put him down! Why did they put in a 'pick-up' sign when they didn't put in a 'put-down' sign?
It's a good thing you didn't see the 'loading in rear' sign.
How would you feel if your parents went on a double date with you and Mom?
Like a virgin.
You seem to be forgetting what we did in a movie theater. Remember the hot dog trick?
Go check on the kids.
I found a gray hair.
Where? In your goatee?
Lower.
Your chest?
Warmer.
You're nuts!
Exactly. The right one.
These hands were made for love.
I know one of them is.
For once, I'm not the dumbest one in the room.
Yes, you are.
You just proved me right. Because it's, "Yes, you is."
Why don't you quit while you're behind, son?
He who runs away, lives to fight another day.
Yeah. And then he runs to join the Village People.
Claire (after telling Junior, who got into a fight with Tony and got beat up after he assumed that Claire and Tony were having sex, when really they were playing miniature golf): What did you think we did?
It.
It?
It?
It?
That's disgusting!
That's disgusting!
That's just plain damn nasty.
Jay (to Claire, who broke up with Tony after seeing him with another woman, who was actually his cousin): Baby, you've got to communicate with Tony. That is the secret to any good relationship. How do you think your father and I have held in there for so long?
Unplanned pregnancies?
(Jay stamps on Michael's foot) Ow!
You said you wanted me to give the male point of view, I'm giving you the male point of view!
Go point your view back at the television.
Michael (to Claire, who is eating junk food to comfort her after her breakup with Tony): Claire, you gotta watch your sugar intake. You're already genetically predisposed to being a little thick. (looks at Jay)
That wasn't even necessary!
Baby, I was just being honest.
Do I run around the house telling Junior that he's genetically predisposed of looking like a brown egg?
(to restaurant warker) You're Japanese, too?
Until midnight.
(to Michael) I'm going to call you 'Dark Cloud'. Aah!
And I'm going to call you 'a cab'! Aah!
It's Junior's first big-boy drawers!
I remember the big doo-doos he left in those drawers.
Junior's SAT scores just came in.
Oh boy, let me get the whiskey.
Son, how do you feel about sheep?
Hey, who don't like saving money?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Wife and Kids pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
