My Wife and Kids · 66 quotesJJay
(to Michael) If you keep this up, you're going to get to know your fingers really well.
Lines by Jay 6
(referring to Ken's new girlfriend, Tiara) "I hope this one doesn't think Apartheid is a laundry detergent."
(to Michael) "Until you get this mouse out of the house, you ain't getting any panties from this fanny!"
(to Michael, after hearing Tony singing) "I can't ignore him. He sounds like a cat in heat."
"The boy (Junior) has a lawnchair for a front (car) seat."
(to Junior, about his car) "She may have character, but she doesn't have a front seat."
Scenes with Jay 20
JJay (after Tiara compliments Junior's shoes)
Tiara, he [Junior] put those mirrors on his shoes so he could look up at your panties.
TTiara
Well, joke's on him, because I'm not wearing any.
JJay
What does that look like to you?
I'll say it's chocolate-covered raisins.
JJay
No, it looks like mouse droppings.
There's only one way to find out. Junior, come taste one of these.
I thought you were going shopping for towels.
JJay
I did.
When did Sony start making towels?
JJay
I've got ye olde egg salad.
That's why ye olde lifespan was only 36 years, because ye olde bowels couldn't digest ye olde food.
You seem to be forgetting what we did in a movie theater. Remember the hot dog trick?
JJay
Go check on the kids.
I found a gray hair.
JJay
Where? In your goatee?
Lower.
JJay
Your chest?
Warmer.
JJay
You're nuts!
Exactly. The right one.
JJay
You have 10 whole teeth in your mouth.
That's more than Grandma, right?
Junior (about accidentally knocking Michael out while being taught how to box): I feel like Sugar Ray.
JJay
Which one?
The band.
Claire (after telling Junior, who got into a fight with Tony and got beat up after he assumed that Claire and Tony were having sex, when really they were playing miniature golf): What did you think we did?
It.
It?
JJay
It?
It?
That's disgusting!
JJay
That's disgusting!
That's just plain damn nasty.
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