“Mr. Monk on Wheels” · Season 7
In this episode: Natalie Teeger (4), Adrian Monk (2), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (2), Lt. Disher (2)
[Monk notices one of Dean Berry's square tomatoes in a glass case]
Is that a square tomato?
Yes it is. It's a pet project of Dean's. The square shape means that farmers can pack 35% more tomatoes per carton. It's cheaper, more efficient.
So, so, that means every slice is exactly the same size?
How does it taste?
Who cares? It's a square tomato. You're doing the Lord's work.
[Dean Berry is testing his genetically altered corn seeds]
What's our time?
17:20. [The seed begins to sprout]
Germination complete. That is our best time yet, and that, boys and girls, is how you feed four billion people. [[Looks up and turns to Sarah, Monk and Natalie] We're in business. Call our investors, tell them to bring their checkbooks.
I'll set it up for Friday. Dean, this is Adrian Monk and I believe you remember Natalie Teeger?
Ah, yes! The woman who stole my bike.
I didn't steal it!
No, that's right. I believe "aided and abetted" is the correct term. [He crosses the room to his wall safe] I'm sorry, I have to lock these up. Would you mind turning around? [Monk and Natalie do so as Berry punches in the numbers on the lock's keypad] It's just that if somebody else sees this combination I'll have to memorize a new one and I don't want to waste the gray cells. [He unlocks the vault door]
[Promising Berry that she'll find his bike] Mr. Monk here is probably the best detective on Earth.
He is?
Yes sir, and I know lots of other detectives. [Captain Stottlemeyer and Lieutenant Disher enter the lab, along with several uniformed cops]
San Francisco Police Department. What's going on?
Yeah, uh, we're fine.
You said it was an emergency.
[To Stottlemeyer] Somebody stole his bike.
And?
Rode away.
And?
Didn't come back!
[Monk and Natalie arrive at John Kuramoto's house while searching for Dean Berry's bicycle]
Am I going to need a tetanus shot after this?
Probably not. [As they reach the porch, Natalie sees a set of bolt cutters] Mr. Monk, look, the bolt cutters!
Oh yeah, those are nice.
I don't see the bike. Maybe he's out riding it. [Monk peeks through the window blinds]
No, he's right in there! Playing video games, eating junk food. What are we doing here?
The right thing. [Monk sighs and pounds his elbow against the door]
Hello, Johnny! Open up, it's... it's Encyclopedia Brown! Sally and I want our blue bike back! [Sheepishly] And the name of your decorator. [Sighs] You're not in trouble! Nobody's gonna press charges! We just want the bike!
[Whispers to Monk] Try again!
[Kuramoto fires at them through the other side of the door. Monk and Natalie try to run, but one of the bullets hits Monk in the left leg, just below the knee]
[Stottlemeyer and Disher interrogate John Kuramoto's cousin about his whereabouts]
You don't know where he is? Well, you're staying at his house, Vince.
Hey, man. I'm just crashing at his place for a few days. He's my cousin. Do you know where all your cousins are?
Where do you think he is, Vince?
[Loudly and clearly into the microphone, emphasizing every word] I. Don't. Know. [Hits the tape recorder's microphone with his hand. Stottlemeyer casually puts it back upright]
Ah. Tough guy, ehh? [Produces an evidence bag containing the recovered bullet] Look at this. See that? That's a bullet! That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight!
That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Former what?
Former cop shooter.
You mean he used to shoot cops?
No. He shot someone who used to be a cop.
Why didn't you say that?
I did, it's the same thing.
It's not the same thing at all, it's not even close-
Oh for God's sakes!! What are you two, married or what?! Look, it's not complicated, Vince! If you know where your cousin is and you're not telling us, [Points an accusing finger at Vince] that makes you an accessory after the fact.
For aiding and abetting!
For attempted murder, which is a very very VERY long "goodbye"!! Let me put it this way: your parole officer? He hasn't been born yet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
