“Mr. Monk Goes to the Dentist” quotes from Monk

Well, Mr. Disher. I'm Oliver Bloom. Don't get up, I'm kidding. You're a Lieutenant, right?

Lt. Disher

Yeah.

I can usually guess within one rank. I see a lot of cops who are on the medical plan.

Lt. Disher

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

Oh don't worry. We're open late on Tuesdays and Thursdays in case of emergencies. Also to keep Terri here off the streets.

He worries about me.

I do worry about you. You know what I worry about? I worry about this bad boy here, your number 3 molar.

Terri, I'm gonna need that angle director probe.

Angle director probe. [She hands it to Dr. Bloom] Doctor, I think he's coming awake again. [They put the mask back on Randy's mouth to knock him out again. Randy's vision fades to the next moment where he gains consciousness]

Come on, come on. [An intruder bursts into the office and Dr. Bloom and Terri look up]

Hey!

What are you doing here?

What did you do with Barry Bonds? I know he's here somewhere. I know he's here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Barry Bonds!

Lt. Disher

Barry Bonds...

We don't know any 'Barry Bonds'!

He's worth $13 million! What did you do to him?!

We have a patient here. [With the intruder getting agitated, Dr. Bloom and Terri attack the intruder with a struggle ensuing]

Lt. Disher

[Fading back into unconsciousness] Hey, cut it out! [Terri grabs an object and brings it down several times on the intruder] I'm a police officer. [His vision fades] I'm a police officer.... [cuts to Terri and Dr. Bloom standing over Randy]

Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Welcome back.

Lt. Disher

[Opens his eyes] Are you okay?

Am I okay? Of course I am. Why shouldn't I?

Lt. Disher

There was a man in here.

She has men in here all the time.

Lt. Disher

You were fighting.

Oh there was a fight all right, between me and this molar here! It didn't wanna come out! [Jiggles a little container with Randy's tooth] Now there's going to be some sensitivity for a couple days, so I wrote you a prescription that should help with the pain. You need to take one every four hours.

Capt. Stottlemeyer

You saw it?

Lt. Disher

Sort of. I was sedated.

Capt. Stottlemeyer

You were sedated? Randy, one time I was under anesthesia, I thought my mustache was a chipmunk!

I was the Green Lantern once. It was great. I didn't want to wake up.

Capt. Stottlemeyer

What's he doing?

Natalie

Flossing. He's determined never to go back to a dentist ever again.

Capt. Stottlemeyer

Monk, cut it out. I mean it; this is a floss-free zone.

Monk

Since when?

Capt. Stottlemeyer

Since right now!

Natalie

You miss him. I can tell.

Capt. Stottlemeyer

Look, Natalie, it's not like we were going steady, okay? We worked together. He was just another cop.

Natalie

That is not true!

Capt. Stottlemeyer

You're right. It's not true. He's not just another cop; he was the single most annoying human being to ever wear a badge! [Monk walks by, gargling noisily] Present company excepted.