Mom · Season 1
I can't believe they found you guilty.
I can. I stole three million dollars.
Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.
Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.
Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.
Where do you think Christy is?
I think she's unrolling a fire hose.
What?
She's dating a fireman.
I thought this baby was going to be my second chance.
How would that happen?
Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school.
[dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing.
The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby.
I don't need it.
Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it.
No we don't.
Why not?
...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves]
I feel like I just got punched in the heart.
Dumbass crackers!
What's the matter?
Luke's parents. First they say they don't want a thing to do with this baby, and now they're freaking out because I'm giving up their "beloved grandkid".
What about Luke?
He was useless. Oh, and get this. [snarkily] Now his parents are insisting that they're going to adopt the baby!
What'd you tell them?
I told them that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. I want it raised by homosexuals! [leaves]
Do you know what the worst part of being in prison will be?
Being in prison?
No, that I won't get to see my son grow up.
Oh... I'm gonna stop talking now.
Don't say it if you don't mean it.
When did you last see your son?
Before my trial.
But that was months ago!
My ex-husband won't let me see him, not that I blame him. He just turned 10. He's going to be a teenager by the time I get out.
Where's your ex live?
In Stockton, about a hundred miles back.
[pause] Hell with it. [turns the car around] We're going to Stockton!
But I'll be late to turn myself in.
What the hell are they gonna do, Regina? Throw you in jail?
Hey.
Hey. Your mom tells me you've got a prom coming up.
Um-hmm.
That sounds like fun.
Yep.
What's the theme?
Broken condoms, broken dreams.
[Nodding] Oh, okay. You've got a shot at being the Queen.
Shouldn't Luke be here by now?
He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus.
He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby?
He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal.
[in the hall] Violet?
I'm in here!
[walks right by] Violet?
I'm in here!
Violet?
You literally just walked past me!
Violet?
Everyday, huh?
I changed my mind!
I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby.
No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby!
[she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure?
I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby!
[The end credits scroll up. The logo reads: Chuck Lorre Productions, #570]
Believe me.
[Last lines]
Bonnie (watching commercial on TV): Do you have any idea what plaque psoriasis is?
Maybe when you get an award for your psoriasis.
[The last lines of the series]
This has been quite a day. I think I've had every feeling a person can have. Some of them great, some of them just awful. And never once thought about drinking or using. But that's not the miracle. The miracle is I never thought about myself. I was thinking about the people I love and how I can help them. And also some fish, which is ironic, 'cause I had sushi for lunch. I didn't care. It was... When I walked in that door eight years ago, I was so filled with fear and self-loathing, shame. But now, I kind of like me. I kind of love me. [Tears up] I love my husband, I love my daughter, my friends, my grandkids. I even love those two crazy bitches in the back row.
I think that's us.
It is.
I've always heard people in meetings say how they're grateful alcoholics, and I never understood it. It actually kind of pissed me off. But now I get it. My name is Bonnie and I'm a grateful alcoholic. And if that pisses you off, just keep coming back. Thank you. [The groups applauds and Bonnie walks to the back] Would you guys join us for coffee?
Just say yes.
Yes.
Who else would like to share?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mom pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
