I'm pretty sure this breaches the terms of my ASBO.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
There is no going back now, man. You were just as screwed as the rest of us. You are black AND famous. You are probably more screwed!
Didn't you say you wanted to piss on her tits? Probably best to keep that kind of thing between you and your internet service provider.
What if I can't feel pain? [Kelly hits him] Ow!
A few days ago... I go into the toilets, Tony and Gary were in there. They are butt naked, Tony has Gary by his hair, like this, and he's just doing him, doggy style. And Tony is like, "Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy, I'm Big Daddy. Oh! Oh yeah, you like that? Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm Daddy Cool!" So I'm guessing they've ran away to continue their illicit homosexual affair. I ask you, in this world of intolerance and prejudice, who are we to condemn them?
Maybe you can fly.
He's not gonna be able to fly.
Yeah, there's always someone that can fly. Check it out.
Don't.
Ow! No, that's not it.
So what happens now? Is this it? Are we gonna be like this forever?
What if we are meant to be, like, superheroes?
You lot, superheroes? No offence, but in what kind of fucked-up world would that be allowed to happen?
I did not sign up for that.
Superheroes! I love this guy... you prick!
What if there’s load of people like us all over town?
No, that kind of thing only happens in America. This will fade away. I’m telling you, by this time next week, it’ll be back to the same old boring shit.
You can think what you like, but I have a superpower and I just need to find out what it is.
Maybe you're just super-retarded.
Maybe I've got a whole Spider-Man vibe going on. You know, maybe I can climb stuff and do spider shit.
Yeah, because that makes perfect sense. Why would you be able to climb stuff?
I don't know. How is it that you can turn back time, apparently, and weird kid can turn invisible? It's not like this whole situation is backed up by a wank-load of logic.
He is obviously some kind of pervert, or he's gay.
That follows.
Well, he was cruising for rough trade. They love that shit.
Oh, a little light homophobia. Go for it.
Maybe he's a werewolf.
Twat.
It's what happens in the films. You turn into a werewolf, you kill someone and you wake up somewhere, naked –like a zoo.
[Goes near Stan, the old man] Is he dead? I think he's dead.
[Goes near one of the man's hears] SHE'S STEALING YOUR PENSION!
SStan
OOH!
Nah, he's fine.
SStan
[thinking] My mouth's as dry as a badgers chaff!
Do you want a cup of tea? [hands him one]
SStan
[thinking] Well, bugger me!
[Runs with a old woman in a wheelchair] OK, Joan. Let’s pick up some speed. Let’s get that wind flowing through your hair. Let’s get that wind flowing through your scalp, come on. [Sees a young lady and leaves Joan go alone]
Is this a wind up? Is this you?
If I was trying to wind you up, I think I’d be a little more creative. “I know what film you saw last summer.”
Listen, I’m telling you, Mom. He was out there running around naked like a wolf boy.
What's a wolf boy?
It’s a boy, raised by wolves. You know, little hairy kid in Siberia. We watched it on the Discovery Channel.
If they actually knew anything, they wouldn’t be dicking around sticking notes on lockers. They would’ve gone to the police. And we’d all be banged up in prison, getting gang-raped in the showers. But this, this means that they have no evidence. No proof. Nothing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Misfits pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.