Remember, our snipers have 50 caliber sniper rifles that can kill you from almost 3 miles away. [shows sniper taking person down from long distance] Yikes!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Why do I drink so much before stupid fan day?
I believe you drink because it's fan day.
Ugh. I don't w - Don't talk to me about that. Wai - wait, where's Skwisgaar?
I don't think he gonna be here for a while, he had a very big night with a very huge fan!
Yeah, we were all up late.
Not me, I actually got good rest.
Can you please, just be quiet for a second?
Ahh, what's wrong Pickle? You just need to eat something. Your name is Pickle, maybe you should try pickle herring sandwich [hands him a sandwich] very famous from Oslo!
FFan
OH YEAH PICKLE- [Pickles shuts the door]
GOD! Everywhere I go, there's fans everywhere! Can't I just throw up in my own house?! Ugh!
OH GOD! Don't, what are you - bulimia?
Oh, great now you're gonna start a whole chain reaction, puke-a... a-thon!
Aww! Blood puke! Good song title, someone write that - oh, that's right we already wrote that. Good song though!
[breathing heavily] Ohh, I think I need another liver transplant.
TTTaped Tour Message
Prepare to see one of the greatest sights you've ever seen, the fastest guitarist alive, in his natural habitat.
Ugh. Need paper towels.
Ok, my face is stucks to the wall...
TTTaped Tour Message
In order to keep Nathan Explosion healthy, and because of the tremendous drinking it takes to entertain all you Dethklok fans out there, Nathan must undergo a series of liver transplants.
DDoctor
Now, have you eaten anything this morning?
[heart monitor beeps faster] Nope.
DDoctor
Are you sure?
I mean, yea... I mean, no.
DDoctor
Okay, anesthesia please.
Hey guys, it's me, Facebones. Now's the time you've all been waiting for. Your very own exclusive super duper exclusive fan song and one time only song videooooo [holds the last syllable for 16 seconds] ...roll it.
If they only knew how much we hated them, I mean they just keep crawling back like groveling putrid stupid zombies that just want to eat our brains that is our art.
Hey, what are you doing?
GGuard
He's in a wheelchair my lords, I did not know what to do.
Take a walk, before I kill you.
Oh come on, screw that Internet crap, I mean come on, what is the Internet, you know? Seriously... what is the Internet?
Your money's waaaay down there. Behind that door, 'ya see it? Hey, 'ya better hurry up, closing time's in two minutes.
EEric
All the way over-
I'd serpentine if I were you. [Charles closes and locks the door behind them, then makes a phone call] It's show time.
EEdgar
Why should we serpentine? [Eric is headshot] Whoa, serpentine! [Edgar flees down the passage, weaving to avoid bullets from Klokateer snipers]
We have liberated your island from you, your island that was once a nucular, nuclear testing facility that has in turn tragically disfigured you all into ugly horrible-looking mutants. And we now decree your island the Dethklok Home for Wayward Kitties. RELEASE THE KITTIES!
[playing with a laser pointer] My god, these things are amazing. Check it out, I'm an eye doctor.
Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you.
Hey, wait your turn.
Hey, point that into my eyes again. Awww, yeaaah, it's awesome!
Points the laser beams at my too eye. Awhhh, cool...
Yeah but checks dis out! I can force all the bloods to my face and gives myself a real cool blowjob!
Dat's what I'm talkin' about!
Pfft... you means nosebleed, not blowjob. Idiot.
I'm sorry, who is that fat kid?
Don't play dumb, you know who that is.
I have no idea who that is. Who the hell is that?
Uh, hello, that's our son.
Yeah, we adopted him, for charity?
I'm sorry, how is that charity?
Then we are his foster fathers. What do you mean? That's for charity, right?
No Nathan, that's not donating money to organizations. That's... that doesn't help our tax situation.
Seriously?
Yeah. Can you give him back?
Hey that's a crappy thing to say but no, I don't think we can. We tried.
Well, let's talk about the big show. You guys are performing at the United Celebrities of the World Foundation with the London Philharmonic, kind of a big deal, London Philharmonic, blah blah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Metalocalypse pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.