TV show quotes
Now wait, what do you mean five minus x? What is... what is x?
Oh sweetie... it's just algebra.
It's stupid, and it's not even that akikabablel.
Applicable.
[attempts to say applicable repeatedly, but fails] IT'S STUPID!
But it's wrong!
Hey, I don't care how wrong it is. Just admit it; I'm a great speller and it burns you.
You're not a great speller! You got to spell right to be a speller!
So what? A guy hits a home run, but since he's fat it's not a home run? It's gotta be perfect? That's not the point.
Now that is the point! THAT - IS - SPELLING!
Ech, they can't helps it, Toki. Not everyone gets the advantage of superior Skanzanavians ekocationen.
'Kay, name something that's got nothin' ta do with guitar go, go go go go go...
[unable to produce an answer] Oh, dum, dah, uh, oh, um, ah...
I'm ready. I had that uh, "I'm late for class and I'm in my underwear" dream, but - my palms are sweaty and I can't concentrate, I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!
That's anxiety! A-N-X-I-E-T.
Um, Nathans? What do yous do, before you're nervous, at a show?
You know what you do...
Yeah, whaddaya you, whaddaya you do? [shakes a bottle of liquor in front of Nathan] What's Nathan do?
Just have a little drink!
That's it! I have a little drink! [starts drinking the entire bottle of liquor]
That's what you do!
I'm here, uh, to take the GBD.
The only reason I have a high school degree is 'cause of a very special principal, who let me just play bass and drink beer and smoke dope because I told him I'd cut his eyes out if he didn't let me graduate.
Nathan! I have your test results.
Aww, you open it, I... I can't stand the pressure.
Let's see here, okay, uh... it's a, uh... zero. No questions were answered.
Awww... DAMN! SERIOUSLY?!
How could you... not have known that?
Do you think you're better than me?
I took the liberty of writing your Harvard commencement speech.
[Still angry] Thanks!
[reading the speech] Harvard... solutions... solutions to you.
[whispers to him] Salutations!
I don't need this stupid speech! [looking out at graduates] You think you're smart huh? Think you can come up here and take a piece of this? Huh? Any of you? You? You? Listen, Harvard. I'm a billionaire. And most of you are gonna graduate, and move back in with your parents! I'm gonna tell you somethin', though. We have something in common: we're all gonna die. No matter whatcha' do, no matter whatcha' do with your lives, you're dead! You're dead! You're dying. You're gonna die, all of you, dead. You, dead. You, dead, all of you. You, lady? Your tits will be eaten by maggots, in just a few short years. So here's my message, my message to you, a very simple message: Go forth. Go forth, and DIIIIIE!
William Murderface has been on the stage for about 45 minutes. The word is "technicality" and it's his first word of the night. It's kind of an ironic situation when the word is "technicality" and he is technically already out because he used his first letter - "p" - which is uh... not a letter in the word. He decided to, uh... very confidently speak out before the word was finished being said.
Technicality. P-i-s-s, fuck you! [flips off television camera]
Can you pass that Prozac shaker? [Pickles hands him shaker]
[takes a spoonful from the box of ice cream Murderface is eating] Awww, this is soy ice cream! Skwisgaar!
[responds lethargically] Huuuh?
...
Maybe I'm not perfect?
At least you're not the fattest ugliest lead singer alive [holds up magazine cover] with horrible skin!
Aww, it must be 200 degrees. Fuck this shit, I'm taking off my fucking shirt off.
Wha - where are we?
We in the south! The birth place of the blues.
Well it's too fucking hot! And I'm taking my shirt off!
My GOD, I have let myself go...
You have put on a few pounds lately -
You're, ah, not supposed to agree with me! Dick brain!
What are we even doing in this horrible microwave? I don't even care nothings about this blouse!
The blues.
Yeah. But all I cares about is dark and brutal!
You wanna know dark and brutal? Come with me.
'Dis here where the blues began. Right here where we standin' Blind Harlan Davenport killed his wife, bury her in that chicken coop right there. That night he recorded "Wife Gone on a Funeral Train Blues." Next mornin', the po-lice shot him in the eye 52 times... [later] This is where Smokey Toe Brown was savagely beaten for sleepin' wif his neighbor's wife, shortly before he recorded "Train Leavin' This Station Blues". They say his ghost come back to life and kill his neighbor, pitchfork his intestines and hung them on a tree... [later] Everybody knows Shorty Turlingtop made a deal wif the devil. He was hit by a train at this exact spot. As his head traveled in the air, he wrote "Blues Train Blues".
Alls they sings about is trains!
Is there anything else really to talk about? Heh heh. Come on...This here's where Mustard Tits the Murder Master Brown slaughtered 22 men just for bein' ugly, heh. He went on to record "Here Come That Train A-Comin' Blues".
Dude, anyone got any SPF? I'm uh, very Irish... American.
Real bluesman get a sun burn! Now go on Nathan, you can give Murderface them blues!
Okay, uh, alright alright. Uh, hey dog-face! Why don't you go... eat some dog food... eat your own throw up cause you're a dog-face!
Jeez, Nathan, you're a lil' below the belt, I guess I really do have a dog-face. Maybe I should throw up and eat it!
Good! Now you're feelin' them blues! You go on now, Murderface!
Okay, uhh, hey uhh thin-lips, uhh, why don't you go uhh, make out with uhh, Glenn Close and uhh, go bring her to the Academy Awards, shove it up your fucking ass, that's great!
Maybe you're right. Maybe I should use my crappy thin lips and make out with Glenn Close.
Now Skwisgaar, let's talk about blues guitar.
I only plays metal. Its embarrass for us to even has this grandpas guitars.
That's because you don't know how to make the bluuues sound! Why don't you try to play this?
[Johnson plays a blues rhythm. Toki and Skwisgaar play nothing close to the rhythm previously played.]
That's close... one more time, try to play this!
[He plays a different blues sound, Skwisgaar and Toki play it wrong again.]
We can'ts not plays fast, uh, physically.
Yeah, it's hards!
Alright, let's try somethin' else.
[Toki and Skwisgaar get cinder blocks tied to their wrists, making them play slower, after a little playing, their wrists make a sudden movement causing the blocks to swing, and Toki gets hit in the balls.]
Oh, I gots the hit in the balls with the train cinder block, right in the balls oh... [keeps complaining in background]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Metalocalypse pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
