Bye, Dorothy, mate.
Bye, Tony, mate.
S4 E2Infidelity
It's so unfair. Well, don't come to me when you're old and wobbly expecting to share my soup!
S4 E3Pornography
[after finding Tony's stash of porographic magazines]
JJill
Does that really turn you on?
How can that possib... yeah, it does actually.
JJill
How can it?
She's naked.
JJill
Yeah, but she's obviously freezing to death, she's sitting on a fork-lift truck feeling exposed, and stupid, and like a piece of meat. How can that turn you on?
Well, she's naked, look at it.
Look, it's simple. They just go straight in the bin, over there.
Look, Deborah, you're a girl...
No. I was a girl, now I'm a woman.
How does that work then?
Do you know what hurts the most?
....Getting your balls caught between two bricks - got to be.
No, no - do you know what hurts the most about Dorothy and her new bloke?
Oh sorry, no, what?
She says she's in love. She never said that with me.
Oh mate, she doesn't love him. Perhaps he's just better with his knob.
Gary, you know masturbation?
Vaguely, yes.
And you know women?
Women, yes.
Well, when they do it, right, they just imagine Richard Gere or Linford Christie or whatever lying on top of them, probably on a mountain top.
Or in a leafy glade.
Yeah, something with a girly atmosphere, yeah.
Whereas all we have to do is reach for your favourite mag and yank yer plank!
And you know if you push breasts together, they look a bit like a bottom.
GTGary & Tony
(singing) I'm a wanker. I'm a wanker. And it does me good like it bloody well should. I'm a wanker. I'm a wanker.
S4 E4Three Girlfriends
That's not very friendly thinking, I mean it is Father's Day.
Do you wanna come in?
I'd better not.
Don't worry, we found out where that faint musky smell came from. It was Tony.
No, I'd just rather be somewhere a bit more neutral.
Switzerland?
I've been a Vulcan for 25 years.
SSylvia
Vulcan? Don't you mean "vegan"?
What, with these ears? [laughs]
I shouldn't have come here, but I...
I know. You needed a shoulder to cry on.
No. Just needed someone I could feel superior to.
S4 E5Drunk
[drunk] So, how did you happen upon Les' watering hole? I mean two girls in a pub, by themselves. To me that spells: D - A - N - G - E - R
GIGirl In Pub
To us it spelt: M - A - R - L - B - O - R - O
[drunk] Middlesbrough?
[drunk] Bed? Bed's for sleepy people! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Men Behaving Badly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.