I once turned down an eightsome, which is like a threesome plus a fivesome.
S3 E1Lovers
Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is that if you're both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.
Does this office have to sound like an episode of Little House On The Prairie?
Well, we're a bit like that, aren't we? Little Office On The Prairie.
Don't be twee, Anthea.
S3 E4Weekend
[on the way to the countryside]
Maybe I should move down here.
Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk.
What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
That's a bit unfair. Oh, look at those lovely hedges... so what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
S3 E5Cleaning Lady
You bastard.
Oh, bastard, is it? Well, at least I'm not a dork and that's what she called you.
Ah! She doesn't know the word "dork". Ha.
Well, she looked it up in a dictionary, and she couldn't decide between "dork", "jerk" and "berk".
S3 E6Marriage
[on his daffodil present to Deborah being thrown away]
Excuse me! That was a present.
RRay
Oh, yeah, right, I could tell it was from you, it was scrawny, served no obvious purpose, and neither of us liked it.
Well, I'll have it back then, please.
Why?
I wanna do some cuttings.
How can you do cuttings from a dead daffodil?
You make incisions in the green, middle, stick-y bit, put it in the airing cupboard, couple of days, hey-presto... tulips!
Enter Tony, clutching his groin in pain
I think I'm getting married.
I don't think I am.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Men Behaving Badly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.