We need to talk about my party. That is, if you can find the energy fresh off a one-night stand.
Oh... it wasn't a one-night stand.
Well, you keep telling yourself that.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[sees a tequila bottle on Auggie's table] Auggie, sweetheart. Please tell me you did not hit this.
AAuggie
I was trying out a new recipe. Rock shrimp with a tequila lime sauce.
Oh. Really? Does that dish come with a side of total BS?
[to Auggie] I think I spotted a guillotine in Amanda's penthouse. Watching heads roll is probably up there with snuffing out careers and tasering her enemies' nether regions.
BBen
[walks up behind Ella] I heard she bathes in the blood of virgins and can kill a man with her pinky finger.
[after Amanda sees Ella with Ben, trying on the necklace] I promise you that you can trust me.
Ella, in what universe would you think for one moment that I was threatened by you?
I wasn't implying...
You were, and it's presumptuous. I mean, you're a a junior publicist with a barely there career. A nobody in this town.
I know. I... I'm sorry.
You may fancy yourself my protégé, but let's be honest, you don't measure up. I mean, you have enough flash to catch the eye of Ben or any other man for that matter. But they don't stay long, do they?
I... I wasn't trying to...
Oh, come on. No one wears a dress that short without an endgame.
The last 24 hours have just been pretty overwhelming. I just need some time to think.
Oh, yeah... Okay, you go think, Socrates.
[referring to the blaring guitar sound coming from Drew's apartment] Oh, so not the cure to my hangover.
That is the new guy that moved into Auggie's place.
We traded zen chef for a poor man's Van Halen.
Tell him to stop.
[Lauren appears trotting toward Drew's apartment]
Yeah, you go get him, Lor. You do not bother that girl when she's trying to sleep in.
Hello! Hi! [unplugs Drew's guitar from the amplifier and takes off his headphones] Excuse me! Hi!
Oh. Oh. Hey. Want to make a request?
Yeah, shut up! Half of West Hollywood's trying to sleep.
Oh, crap, I'm sorry. I didn't know my speaker was on. I hate when that happens. Plus, had I known everybody was listening, I for sure would have played Clapton.
Okay, I don't know who you are, or which tour bus you fell off, but I get to sleep in one day a year. And today was that day.
Everything okay with you?
Um, it's my heart.
You actually have one?
[while discussing his film with Owen Anderson] Riley just has this teeny bad habit of changing her mind.
Oh, yeah, see, he's referring to our engagement. I didn't answer his proposal immediately, then all hell broke loose, and we broke up.
OOwen
Brok... Dude, splitsville? No way. Where's that story?
Hey, look, they may have broken up, but that does not mean that they didn't share a storybook love story.
Storybook? You slept with him.
OOwen
Whoa, what? Dude, Jacob and Rachel's destinies are cosmically intertwined, and you cheated on her?
No, no, see, I didn't cheat on her because Riley and I had already ended things, so technically it was over.
[turns to Ella] And who was there waiting? The vulture in Versace.
Oh, well, there's that sense of humor we were just talking about.
Look, Jonah, I should not have asked you to drag Riley into a dog and pony show. Okay, this whole thing was a mistake.
No, we both had to vent. We just chose the worst possible venue ever.
No, I'm talking about us. We... are a mistake. You and Riley are cut from the same snuggly, fuzzy cloth, and I'm... well, let's face it, I'm industrial-strength sandpaper.
Ella...
No, you guys have five years of fairy tale. And what do I have, five years of one-night engagements?
Yeah...
I can kick open doors for your career all day long, but when it comes to actually opening myself up and letting somebody in, it's... it's an entirely different story. And yes, I am selfish... but it's just because I don't want to get hurt.
Ella...
No, Jonah, I'm serious. Why do you think that I spend every last ounce of energy that I have on my career? Or why I'd rather be at a business meeting than a candlelit dinner? I'm not as tough as you think, okay? I can't handle having my heart broken.
David needs to know what it feels like to have all the happiness in his life ripped away. I want you to break his heart. Whatever you have with him, end it.
You can't be serious.
You break it off with him, or I tell the entire medical community that I got a house call from Dr. Lauren Yung.
You don't want a dog?
Oh, no, no, no. You see, dogs and I don't really match up.
What do you mean?
All the hair everywhere, the throw up, the humping of the leg. It's like living with a frat boy on all fours.
Unless I'm wrong, you had a pretty well-defined thing going with Riley. Living together, totally committed and totally comfortable.
And?
And look where that got you. See, with a girl like Ella, you have to let go of all preconceptions. If you stop trying to make her into someone she's not, you may end up liking the person she already is.
[Riley shows Ben the photos of the two of them kissing]
BBen
So?
"So"?
BBen
So? They're photos of two people kissing. Two single, unattached people.
Ben, you know what this means.
BBen
Yeah. Means I should learn to keep my drapes shut. And that this shirt makes me look paunchy.
Look, Jonah, I'm sorry, okay? I tried. But if it means giving up who I am, then I guess I'm not couple material. No his and hers towels. No one drink, two straws. No.
Guess a, uh, tandem bicycle's totally out of the question?
[at Coal] Three margaritas, please. Is that cool?
Yeah. But then what are you guys going to drink?
Finally, she's loosening up.
Very funny.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Melrose Place pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.