Zeke quotes from Mating Season

Fawn

[walking along with Zeke] Okay, fine. I guess I'd fuck Alvin, marry Simon, and kill Theodore?

Zeke

You'd kill Theodore? He's the cutest one.

Fawn

One of those chipmunks has to die. Those are the rules.

Ray

I'm sorry. Help me out, Zeke. Who… Who's Carlos? I barely know who you are.

Fawn

Carlos is the moose who helped him figure out he's gay. Okay, so, Zeke, what exactly did he say?

Zeke

[sobs] He said…

I don't want to be your boyfriend.

Zeke

[weeping] But I love you!

No, you don't. Name one thing you love about me.

Zeke

That you're… That you're gay?

Penelope

Oh, God, Zeke.

Zeke

But he is!

Fawn

Okay, what happened next?

Zeke

He said…

You're a baby gay, and I'm not looking to change diapers.

Zeke

What does that even mean?

It means that you're fresh out of the closet. You should be going fuck crazy. Get out there! Get laid!

Zeke

[weeping emotionally] But you just said I'm a baby! That's wrong!

Ray

Zeke, you foolish moose. [slaps him in the face three times] This… Is… A… Gift!

Zeke

Please stop hitting me.

Fawn

I mean, Ray does have a point. You've only slept with one guy.

Ray

Exactly. You gotta get out there and put your thing in their thing. And then, if you're down, they'll put their thing in your thing. And then, I don't know, you guys all go to the gym?

Zeke

So you want me to just go out there and have a bunch of random bad sex?

Ray

Yeah!

Fawn

Even the bad sex is educational. It teaches you what good sex is.

Zeke

This place is insane.

Fawn

The smell is interesting.

Penelope

Like shit, but not quite?

Fawn

It's shit-adjacent.

Penelope

I like it.