Married... with Children · Season 3, Episode 14
What's wrong with you getting a second job?
Peg, let me state this as clearly as I can. I would rather rip off my nose with a can opener. I would rather bob for apples in a sewer. I would rather have a catheter the size of a garden hose before I get another job to pay for your shopping.
Get with the program, Bundy. You're a disgrace to the hat. Aw, clean your station.
Marry a redhead.
Al deduces what the reason for Peggy's big checks are
Peg, why did you not sell the cosmetics?
Well, my friends decided they were not as good as other cosmetics.
OK, fine. So why in the world would you buy off yourself?
To get the commission checks!
Al gives strained look of rage
You see Peg, when you buy off yourself you get less coming in than what you owe. In the shoe business lingo we call that...SENDING YOUR HUSBAND ROCKETING TO THE POORHOUSE! How much do you owe?
Peg{sheepishly}: Minus the commission checks?
Yes, Peg.
$627.
Al{sternly}: Well, looks like we will have to keep up the part-time job until the debt is retired.
Scene shifts to Burger Trek. An improperly-wrapped hamburger is sent out a chute to a customer's tray
Did not make the noise, Bundy!
Kitchen. Peg is now working at Burger Trek instead of Al
Peg{on microphone}: Whoosh!
Well, Al, what do you want to be when you grow up?
President of the United States.
Then someday, you will.
Al (out loud): Yeah right, Mom. Try saying that when you're sober.
Peg, let me explain something. Since you're the only one buying the cosmetics, you're not actually making any money.
Oh, yes I am! They send me checks!
Ah, yes. But you send them much bigger ones. And in business, that's that we call... SENDING YOUR HUSBAND ROCKETING TO THE POORHOUSE! Why didn't you sell any makeup, Peg?
Well, like I told the girls... it's not very good.
Well, then why did you keep buying it?
'Cause that's how I make my money!
Al gives a strained look of rage, wiping away a tear.
How much do we owe for the cosmetics, Peg?
(naively) Minus my commission?
Yes.
...$623.
(sighs) Well, at least you're not in real estate. (gets up)
Where are you going?
We owe a lot of money, Peg. I know what I have to do...
Scene shifts to Burger Trek. An improperly-wrapped hamburger is sent out a chute to a customer's tray.
You didn't make the noise, Bundy!
Kitchen. Peg is now working at Burger Trek instead of Al.
(to microphone) Whoosh!
[talking to Bud] Son, life didn't pass me by, it sat on my head.
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