“Requiem for a Dead Barber” quotes from Married... with Children

Al

You think I want this? Do you think I appreciate old guys in granny glasses asking me if I like the new Grateful Dead album? That is the problem with everything. They try and make it better without realizing the old is fine. They take away the pinball machine...bring in the video game. I do not care if a monkey can make it to the top of a building...unless he was going up there to defenestrate his wife! I do not want a hair salon, I want the barber pole, I want the dog in the corner, I want my hair cut by a man who likes girls but not women.

Al

Hopefully, wherever they buried Tony, they buried him face down so he wouldn't have to see my shame. 'Cause Al Bundy... is going to get washed... and blown.

Peg

You look like a fruit, Al.

Al

Thanks, Peg.

Bud

Pretty cool, Dad. You have that "no closet can hold me" look.

Kelly

Leave Dad alone, you guys. (to Al): You're still going to wear men's clothing, aren't you?

Al

Come on, guys! Lets go out and find a fire hydrant, stick our heads in the hole and wash the gay away!

Outside, without our hair nets?

Al

And move fast! After that, none of us care how long it takes and spare no expense, but we find ourselves a barber!