“Hal's Birthday” quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Lois

Boys, would you leave the room a minute so your father and I can talk?

Dewey

NO!

Lois

Excuse me?

Dewey

I'm not leaving. You guys just chase us out whenever you want without even asking us. I'm getting tired of it! Watching TV is the only thing to do in this house that's actually fun. So you're left with two choices: you can either fight somewhere else, or get us a TV for our room.

Dewey

There's no reasoning with that woman!

Reese

I thought you made some good points.

Malcolm

It doesn't matter, she doesn't listen anyway. It's like talking to a wall.

Reese

[giggles] Hey, that's what we're doing!

Francis

Why can't you just be happy for us!?

Lois

We're supposed to be happy, when you repay us like this after all we've done for you!?

Francis

I'M CONFUSED! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE YEARS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, OR SHIPPING ME OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL!?

Reese

This family sucks. They don't care anything about us. They don't even listen to us. Let's out of here.

Dewey

To the demolition derby?

Reese

No, I mean let's really get out of here and get away from these people.

Malcolm

Where are we gonna go?

Reese

[pulls out Hal's credit card from his pocket] Wherever this takes us. I snagged it out of dad's wallet this morning.

Malcolm

You knew we were gonna need it tonight?

Reese

Uh... yeah.

Dewey

I'm in.

Malcolm

Yeah, but...

Lois

Okay, boys, get your things. We're going home.

Reese

No! We're not going back there.

Dewey

Okay, Well, you can't stay in this hotel room forever. What are you gonna do, live under a bridge and steal food out of dumpsters?

Malcolm

I don't know, but we're not going home! We've had it with the way you treat us, and we've hat it with all the yelling!

Reese

You are a terrible influence on us!

Malcolm

All you ever do is scream!

Dewey

And order us around!

Malcolm

There's something wrong with this family! Families should have some way of communicating besides yelling!

Lois

Okay, everybody, calm down. I understand what you're saying, I'm not gonna yell, I'm not going to scream. We are capable of talking about this without raising our voices. Now, boys, I want you to understand I'm sorry about what happened. But you have to understand I get a little emotional when I learned that my oldest son was acting like an idiot and throwing his life away. Now that doesn't mean-- [gets splashed with water. It's revealed that Francis' wife, Piama threw water at her.]

Piama

Stop talking about him like that! Francis is my heart!