[narrating] One of the clichés of my profession is that to get information from a bartender you have to slip him some bills of various denominations; Bills that you can't afford, with pictures of unfamiliar presidents. And usually for information that isn't worth it. However, this was a special case and I wasn't in the mood for games.
S2 E8Wave Goodbye
[narrating] Another cliché about getting information from bartenders is that no matter how sincere they sound, you know as soon as you're out the door, they're on the phone warning the guy you want to see. And this guy didn't strike me as being particularly different.
[narrating] The death of a friend's never an easy thing to take, not in a rice paddy or on a pretty beach on Oahu. Either way, when they're young, it never makes sense.
[narrating] Hawaii is one of those places that, keeps topping itself. Just when you think you'll never see another sunset as beautiful, there comes a sunrise that only Gauguin could imagine. It kind of makes unemployment easier to take.
S2 E9Mad Buck Gibson
[narrating] You know, there's some quotations that would make good rules to live by, for instance "never drive behind an old man wearing a hat", or another, "it's always brightest just before the storm". If I'd have remembered that one, I'd have really been on my guard, because the afternoon it all started, was a truly beautiful day.
[during the chase of Mad Buck, who is joy-riding in the Ferrari] I was looking at several very grim possibilities involving the destruction of Buck, the Ferrari, innocent by-standers, and any combination thereof.
S2 E10The Taking of Dick McWilliams
[narrating] Rule one in kidnapping cases: always call the Police. Rule two in kidnapping cases: never call the Police. The truth is you flip a coin and take your chances...
You expect me to hop over all 13 of these islands?
That's the name of your service, isn't it? Island Hoppers.
Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's Taxi Service!
[about Rick's black eye] So who was it Rick?
D'you think it needs more wine?
Rick, come on, who was it?
Catherine.
...Catherine who?
[desperately trying to change the subject] T.C., what about the peppers?
Rick!
I don't know, they don't have a last name.
Who doesn't have a last name?
[long pause]: Nuns.
[T.C. and Magnum burst out laughing]
W-well what's so funny?!
You mean to tell me, a NUN gave you that shiner?
She thought I was trying to steal her car!
[T.C. and Magnum laugh even harder]
Hey, she was a big Nun!
S2 E11The Sixth Position
[narrating] If this had been a regular hire, I would have told "Ms." Chase where to stick her toe shoe, but, since it came through Robin, I had to take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember my blessings.
I just put you on a case, Sherlock.
You can't do that. I'm already on a case.
Yeah, well now you're on two. And boy, are you gonna thank me.
Boy, am I gonna kill you.
S2 E12Ghost Writer
[narrating] I was running late; I'd taken too much time getting dressed; and that's a bad sign – instead of worrying about the job I was going to do for my client, my mind was taken up with picking exactly the right tie; as if it matters.
VFVirginia Fowler
I like that tie.
[Magnum turns and smiles to camera]
I was a Naval intelligent.
VFVirginia Fowler
Oh. You don't seem like the type. The Navy, I mean, not the intelligence.
I know what you mean.
VFVirginia Fowler
You were in the Navy.
Yes, I was in the Navy. Uhh... career man, Navy all the way.
VFVirginia Fowler
What happened?
I started asking myself a lot of questions.
VFVirginia Fowler
And?
I'm still asking.
Alright, I'll do the favor; But let's get one thing straight – I'm not gonna put on ANY dumb disguise, I'm not playing garbage men, delivery men, sewer men, any other kind of men, is that... that's final now, right?
Of course.
[Cut to next scene, where Rick is dressed as a bakery delivery man]
S2 E13The Jororo Kill
[narrating] Kate had been a wire service reporter working out of Saigon, when she came to do a story on our team. She was an idealist; not naive, but still an idealist. She wanted to write the truth. And if a truth happened to be location in a free-fire zone, or if the truth wasn't exactly what she thought it would be going in, well she'd write it anyway. That's the Kate we all fell for. And when she got wounded, it was a buddy getting hit.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Magnum, P.I. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.