Magnum, P.I. quotes

175 total quotes

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J.J. Stein: I told him. I told that lousy writer that that scene was sick. I didn't even enjoy reading it. No. He insisted we keep it in. Damn writers.

Karen Wolfe: [to Magnum] So, a woman can't go out like a man, huh? She takes pills. Swims out to sea or slits her wrists, but she ain't got the guts to blotto the old face, isn't that what you said Tony, huh? Here's one woman who's going to take it right between the big blues, just to show you how smart you really are.

Luther: [narrating] I was beginning to get the feeling that I was stuck with the big guy for the duration. The only thing more depressing than that was this case, because we'd run out of leads. You try being a detective with no leads. It's like a tailor without a needle, or Godzilla without Tokyo, or...
Magnum: [narrating] A bad guy without a motive.
Luther: Did you say something?
Magnum: What?...Nope.

Luther: So much for sweet dreams in paradise. I guess I'm either used to freezing St. Louie winters, or summer nights that steam the starch out of your shorts.

Mac: Look, why don't we just tell him?
Col. Greene: He's a civilian, this is a military operation. Besides, I learned a long time ago that if you tell Magnum what's going on, you're liable to end up with egg foo yung on your face ... and you know how I hate Chinese food.

Magnum: [about Rick's black eye] So who was it Rick?
Rick: D'you think it needs more wine?
Magnum: Rick, come on, who was it?
Rick: Catherine.
Magnum: ...Catherine who?
Rick: [desperately trying to change the subject] T.C., what about the peppers?
Magnum: Rick!
Rick: I don't know, they don't have a last name.
T.C.: Who doesn't have a last name?
Rick: [long pause]: Nuns.
[T.C. and Magnum burst out laughing]
Rick: W-well what's so funny?!
T.C.: You mean to tell me, a NUN gave you that shiner?
Rick: She thought I was trying to steal her car!
[T.C. and Magnum laugh even harder]
Rick: Hey, she was a big Nun!

Magnum: [after failing to hit the serve over the net] I'm sorry Rick. I'm a little rusty on the serve. I just gotta get it up a little more, but when I do, it'll be a monster.
T.C.: Not with that follow through.
Magnum: What's wrong with it?
T.C.: You need more extension.
Magnum: I do?
T.C.: Mmm-Hmm
Rick: Try and keep this one on the court will you? We're running out of balls!
Magnum: OK, this one will be in Rick, I promise. I will be just perfect. [starts his serve]
Higgins: Magnum! [Magnum sends the ball straight over the fence]

Magnum: [after Higgins' dogs each deliver a note to his door] First note was from Cindy. She said Higgins was going to the club, and she'd asked if she could tag along. She hoped I didn't mind. And then she thanked me again for helping her, and told me I was wonderful. The second note was from Higgins. I really can't repeat what he said. Let me put it this way â€- he didn't think I was wonderful.

Magnum: [angry at being paired with Carrie Reardon] I knew it! That's why you paired me with her! To be her babysitter!
Higgins: Call it what you may, I didn't do it, Mr Masters did. Free Rent. Red Ferrari. [Magnum goes quiet] I thought that'd silence you.

Magnum: [as Higgins draws his sword] You know what they say about Samurai swords - you unsheath them, you gotta draw blood.
Higgins: I know!

Magnum: [during the chase of Mad Buck, who is joy-riding in the Ferrari] I was looking at several very grim possibilities involving the destruction of Buck, the Ferrari, innocent by-standers, and any combination thereof.

Magnum: [in jail with T.C.] My Aunt Maggie used to say that friendship was something like a sponge; it could soak up a lot of garbage and gunk, but when you rang it out, you still had a sponge. Now I'm not quite sure what all that meant, but I did know as far Rick was concerned, there was a whole lot of ringing out to be done before that sponge could be used again.

Magnum: [narrates] I know what you're thinking. After the phoney beach attack, I should have said goodbye to Louise. But you know something, I was starting to have a good time. Maybe she wasn't the only one who had fantasies about famous detectives who are heroes.

Magnum: [narrates] So far this case had cost me my right to the wine cellar, the last cash in my pocket, and nearly my life. If that clerk was lying to me, I was gonna come back down here and shove that Robin Masters paperback in his ear!

Magnum: [narrates] There are times when one human being really shouldn't take advantage of another... but this wasn't one of them.