Magnum, P.I. quotes

175 total quotes

Higgins: [to Magnum] There's some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it's really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me -- Tanky Moran. Got his name when he single-handedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he's selling jam in Devonshire.

Higgins: Dr. Harmon, any of us who have experienced the horrors of war have them indelibly printed on our minds. But that's the only place they exist. The war is over.
Dr. Harmon: Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.

Higgins: I've taken all the verbal insults I intend to from you.
Elizabeth Barrett: You're right. It's time I got physical.
Magnum: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
Elizabeth Barrett: I won't, but he will.

Higgins: Magnum, you never cease to amaze me. I must know how you arrived at this remarkably astute conclusion with your limited knowledge of art.
Magnum: Would you believe me if I told you it came to me in a dream?
Higgins: Yes, because your conscious mind certainly isn't capable of such superior detective work.

Higgins: Sometimes you amaze me, Magnum, truly. Your intuitive grasp of human nature is
Magnum: Perceptive?
Higgins: Pre-adolescent.

Higgins: Why are you here scrambling eggs...
Magnum: They're not scrambled, they're over easy.
Higgins: ...instead of out looking for Tessa.
Magnum: I found him.
Higgins: You found him?
Magnum: Yes, I found him.
Higgins: You must take Elizabeth there at once.
Magnum: Higgins, he threatened to kill me.
Higgins: To make an omelet, one must crack a few eggs.

Ivan: I have plane to catch. If you are going to shoot me, do it now.
[Magnum stands emotionally torn]:
Ivan: [smiling] You won't. You can't. I know you Thomas, I had you for three months at Duc Hua. I know you better than your mother. Your sense of... honor and fair play. Oh, you could shoot me. If I was armed and coming after you. But like this? Thomas... never. Goodbye Thomas. Dasvidanya.
[Ivan walks past an unmoving Magnum]:
Magnum: Ivan?
Ivan: [turning back] Yes?
Magnum: Did you see the sunrise this morning?
Ivan: Yes, why?
[Magnum calmly turns and shoots him in the head]

Mac: Look, why don't we just tell him?
Col. Greene: He's a civilian, this is a military operation. Besides, I learned a long time ago that if you tell Magnum what's going on, you're liable to end up with egg foo yung on your face ... and you know how I hate Chinese food.

Magnum: [after failing to hit the serve over the net] I'm sorry Rick. I'm a little rusty on the serve. I just gotta get it up a little more, but when I do, it'll be a monster.
T.C.: Not with that follow through.
Magnum: What's wrong with it?
T.C.: You need more extension.
Magnum: I do?
T.C.: Mmm-Hmm
Rick: Try and keep this one on the court will you? We're running out of balls!
Magnum: OK, this one will be in Rick, I promise. I will be just perfect. [starts his serve]
Higgins: Magnum! [Magnum sends the ball straight over the fence]

Magnum: [angry at being paired with Carrie Reardon] I knew it! That's why you paired me with her! To be her babysitter!
Higgins: Call it what you may, I didn't do it, Mr Masters did. Free Rent. Red Ferrari. [Magnum goes quiet] I thought that'd silence you.

Magnum: [as Higgins draws his sword] You know what they say about Samurai swords - you unsheath them, you gotta draw blood.
Higgins: I know!

Magnum: [narrates] When I write my book on how to be a world class private investigator, I'm going to include a chapter on listening to your little voice. Everybody has one, and mine was saying to stop Marcus and find out the real story behind his new car. Of course I didn't, which is another chapter, things I should have done, but didn't...

Magnum: [narrating] Fate has a nasty way of popping up and waving it's long, bony finger under your nose. Sometimes it's a squeaker at 70 miles an hour; Sometimes it's a plane you missed that never makes it back from the Bermuda Triangle; But whatever it is, you always get the message: it's time to stop taking your good luck for granted.

Magnum: [narrating] I remember when I was five years old, I found this little puppy in the street. It had been hit by a car and was in pretty bad shape, so, I brought it home and my dad and I took it to the vet. One hundred twenty bucks. The little puppy grew into a big Saint Bernard; it ate a five hundred dollar couch and my dad's favorite arm-chair. The next day, my dad put it in the back yard, where it dug under the fence and ran away. Ever since then, I've been wary about taking in big, adorable pups, one of life's lessons you just have to keep learning over, and over again.

Magnum: [narrating] Living alone has some terrific advantages, you can eat, sleep, go in and out, and burp whenever you want. It also has one terrific disadvantage †when you lose something, you've got no one to blame but yourself.