Magnum, P.I. quotes

Magnum

[narrating] Nuns don't work on Sunday.

Magnum

[narrating] Normally, the chance to make Higgins sweat would have seemed like a lot of fun. Today, it barely raised a smile.

Rick

[to Magnum] This is a private club. Unless you've got membership money pal, I suggest you leave, and leave now.

Higgins

He drove Robin's Ferrari over a cliff?

T.C.

Well, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose!

Higgins

One can never be sure with Magnum. Well, he'd better survive if he knows what's good for him.

[on seeing T.C.'s helicopter fly past the Estate] Who's that?

Magnum

Oh, that is a buddy of mine, and he sometimes flies tourists over the Estate to see what famous person might be sun-bathing naked on the beach.

Well I'm not famous or naked.

Magnum

You will be... [pauses] famous.

Magnum

[narrating] Even in the Hawaiian sunshine, football, to me, smelt like fall in New England. Some place there should be a prep band playing, pretty girls in short skirts, and I was 21 with an arm that could throw passes all afternoon.

Higgins

[after Magnum has moved out of the guest house] Isn't it glorious, lads? I find the silence and serenity sublime. ...No screeching of tires past my window in the early morning hours ...No strange sounds emanating from the guest house ...No more sordid and tawdry guests ...No more abuse of private property ...No more Magnum.

Higgins

[seeing Magnum wearing an old football helmet] Even for you, I find this evening's attire most bizarre. A rough divorce case pending?

Magnum

Higgins--

Higgins

Or is it some exotic fantasy you engage in after the sun goes down. "Win one for the dipper," something or other.

Magnum

Gipper!

Higgins

What?

Magnum

It is Gipper, not dipper!

Magnum

[narrating] Life on the islands has an irresistible rhythm; Days merging together like waves on the beach, that's why I never understood why people get excited over artificial events. For example, a birthday should be a private time, with maybe a run on the beach to celebrate, not the big, embarrassing fuss a person's friends always make over it. I should know because it was my birthday, and I knew Rick and T.C. would be planning something special. What I didn't know was that the day would be one of the biggest disasters of my life.

Higgins

[philosophizing about Magnum's potential death] I know, however desolated I would be, I would also experience a certain catharsis that is singularly missing.

T.C.

Ahh... run that by me again, Higgi-baby. Only this time in English.

Higgins

[about Magnum's plan to join a high stakes poker game] It's Higgin's law, if you will: Opportunity plus Magnum equals financial disaster. Inevitably the disaster befalls an innocent bystander.

Magnum

[narrating] Even on the red-eye it's wonderful flying into Honolulu for a vacation in paradise. But, it's not nearly so wonderful when you're a Private Investigator who's just spent two weeks in Bakersfield on a case and been stiffed by your client. And it's even worse when your ride from the airport didn't show up, and the cab driver's listening to the Orange Blossom Special.

Higgins, the dogs are supposed to attack the Sushi Brothers, not Magnum.

Higgins

Sorry, force of habit. It won't happen again.

Magnum

[narrating] The case had started off easier than I had expected. However, my first lead was hardly the place I wanted to find Taylor's girlfriend. You couldn't even trust the beer in a joint like that

Magnum

[narrating] Every day in the topics is part illusion; Rain clouds are actually rainbows ... the perfect wave breaks into a riptide ... conviction of immortality grows out of the endless summer. What I should have remembered is that illusion is always dangerous. But, on a perfect morning on the beach, who could remember fate?