Magnum, P.I. quotes

175 total quotes



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Magnum: [narrating] I guess the earliest memory I have of my grandfather Sullivan is the kind of heart-to-heart talk we had while walking by the Rappahannock River when I was six years old. We used to hunt for wild asparagus down by the river to take home to my mom to cook for dinner. Anyway, on this particular walk my grandfather confided in me that probably the only thing you can count on in life is change... that no matter how much you wanted things to stay the same they never did, and that change itself wasn't bad. It's just that, the transitions were sometimes tricky. Well, I'm not sure what he was talking about at the time. I was more interested in the asparagus than transition, but I never forgot it. And I guess if there is one thing that I could in some way pass on, it would be my grandfather's advice--don't be afraid of "transitions", they make you strong.

Higgins: [to Magnum] There's some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it's really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me -- Tanky Moran. Got his name when he single-handedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he's selling jam in Devonshire.

Higgins: [after Magnum has moved out of the guest house] Isn't it glorious, lads? I find the silence and serenity sublime. ...No screeching of tires past my window in the early morning hours ...No strange sounds emanating from the guest house ...No more sordid and tawdry guests ...No more abuse of private property ...No more Magnum.

Higgins: [about Magnum's plan to join a high stakes poker game] It's Higgin's law, if you will: Opportunity plus Magnum equals financial disaster. Inevitably the disaster befalls an innocent bystander.

Higgins: [to T.C.] You ran through a pen, striking Mr. Platt, who was chasing a pig. It's so... Magnum-esque. The body has departed, but the spirit has remained behind to haunt me. Why?

Higgins: For a moment, I failed to remember that the ways of a gentleman are patently foreign to you. I revere words like honor, integrity, chivalry -- words that are clearly not in your vocabulary.
Magnum: Higgins, enough! Knocking my rubber chicken or my sloppy habits is within the rules, but you're attacking my character. I would like to think you don't mean that.
Higgins: Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you can't know what it's like to care deeply for someone and have your hope taken.
Magnum: Yes, I can.

Higgins: [seeing Magnum wearing an old football helmet] Even for you, I find this evening's attire most bizarre. A rough divorce case pending?
Magnum: Higgins--
Higgins: Or is it some exotic fantasy you engage in after the sun goes down. "Win one for the dipper," something or other.
Magnum: Gipper!
Higgins: What?
Magnum: It is Gipper, not dipper!

Higgins: I have studied Aristotle, Socrates, Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Bertrand Russell; I have toured college campuses debating the virtues of dialectic versus symbolic syllogism; I have written scholarly articles for the need for a new, more dynamic logic. But nothing in my life has prepared me for the workings of the Thomas Magnum mind.

Higgins: I've taken all the verbal insults I intend to from you.
Elizabeth Barrett: You're right. It's time I got physical.
Magnum: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
Elizabeth Barrett: I won't, but he will.

Magnum: [narrating] I get these feelings... I guess a... I call them my "little voice". I know that sounds dumb, but it's like an early warning system, or a conscience. Or maybe, it's just a way of communicating to myself how I really feel about something deep down. I think we all have something like that. I think we communicate those deep down feelings with others that we care about and it's not just by talking about it. This doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry. I guess what I mean is if there's a real connection with somebody you care about ultimately they hear you and that's why I think T.C.'s gonna hear us.

Higgins: Don't ruin my whiskey with ice! I'm not a bloody American!

Higgins: [To Rick] A formal complaint has been lodged with you in regarding both unbecoming behavior and flagrant violations of the club's dress code.
Magnum: Oh come on Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.
Higgins: It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself, even before he's been accused.
Rick: Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint...That came out wrong, didn't it?

Higgins: As you may have noticed, I've fired the groundskeeper. Until I can find a successor, I'd like you to assume some of the responsibilities.
Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!
Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence what so ever.
Magnum: Like what?
Higgins: Like distributing 1500 lbs. of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.
Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?
Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.

Higgins: Dr. Harmon, any of us who have experienced the horrors of war have them indelibly printed on our minds. But that's the only place they exist. The war is over.
Dr. Harmon: Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.

Higgins: [philosophizing about Magnum's potential death] I know, however desolated I would be, I would also experience a certain catharsis that is singularly missing.
T.C.: Ahh... run that by me again, Higgi-baby. Only this time in English.