Rick quotes from Magnum, P.I.

Rick

[to Magnum] This is a private club. Unless you've got membership money pal, I suggest you leave, and leave now.

Rick

[tracing a vehicle for Magnum] You know, do me a favor – next time when you give me the details, at least give me a little bit more than 'the big van was painted the same color as the boy's locker room in junior high', will ya?

Rick

[narrating] It was January 23rd, 1958. I was twelve years old and my kid sister Wendy was five. My mom and dad had just been killed in an automobile accident. My aunts and uncles were arguing about who would have to take care of Wendy and me. Well, any other kid probably would have been scared, but I wasn't. I knew mom and dad would have been happy wherever they were, as long as they were together. I knew Wendy and I would be okay wherever we were, as long as we were together. But the one thing I couldn't stop thinking about is how if I was somebody I could have afforded to get some flowers for the funeral. Boy, I wanted to get them some flowers.

Magnum

Did he tip you?

$20.

Rick

That's not Higgins, Thomas.

Rick

You better be right, sweetheart.

Magnum

Come on, when have I ever been wrong?

Rick

I can't count that high.

Higgins

[To Rick] A formal complaint has been lodged with you in regarding both unbecoming behavior and flagrant violations of the club's dress code.

Magnum

Oh come on Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.

Higgins

It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself, even before he's been accused.

Rick

Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint...That came out wrong, didn't it?

Magnum

[about Rick's black eye] So who was it Rick?

Rick

D'you think it needs more wine?

Magnum

Rick, come on, who was it?

Rick

Catherine.

Magnum

...Catherine who?

Rick

[desperately trying to change the subject] T.C., what about the peppers?

Magnum

Rick!

Rick

I don't know, they don't have a last name.

T.C.

Who doesn't have a last name?

Rick

[long pause]: Nuns.

Rick

W-well what's so funny?!

T.C.

You mean to tell me, a NUN gave you that shiner?

Rick

She thought I was trying to steal her car!

Rick

Hey, she was a big Nun!

Rick

I just put you on a case, Sherlock.

Magnum

You can't do that. I'm already on a case.

Rick

Yeah, well now you're on two. And boy, are you gonna thank me.

Magnum

Boy, am I gonna kill you.

Rick

Alright, I'll do the favor; But let's get one thing straight – I'm not gonna put on ANY dumb disguise, I'm not playing garbage men, delivery men, sewer men, any other kind of men, is that... that's final now, right?

Magnum

Of course.

Magnum

[after failing to hit the serve over the net] I'm sorry Rick. I'm a little rusty on the serve. I just gotta get it up a little more, but when I do, it'll be a monster.

T.C.

Not with that follow through.

Magnum

What's wrong with it?

T.C.

You need more extension.

Magnum

I do?

T.C.

Mmm-Hmm

Rick

Try and keep this one on the court will you? We're running out of balls!

Magnum

OK, this one will be in Rick, I promise. I will be just perfect. [starts his serve]

Higgins

Magnum! [Magnum sends the ball straight over the fence]

Rick

[after being dazzled by Bridget's skills with gambling odds] I think I'm in love.

T.C.

[checks watch] Ten minutes to ten, I wondered how long it'd take you to fall in love today.

Rick

I saw in this movie once where they bumped off this guy for his money. They took a lawn mower, an electric lawn mower, and threw it right in the bathtub. Bzzzzzzzzzz! It fried him just like that! You better take showers.

Magnum

Guys!

T.C.

Come to think of it, you better stay out of the kitchen too, all sorts of things can happen in there - Gas, poisoning, garbage disposals.

Magnum

Garbage disposals??

Rick

Come on, T.C., a lizard could have caught that. I've seen better hands on my mother!

T.C.

Well, maybe you oughta bring your momma out here. At least she is a girl; you just pitch like one!

Magnum

Rick, there's a bug in your hair.

Rick

Yeah, right.

T.C.

No, really, Rick, there's a praying mantis.

Rick

[mimicks]"Rick, there's a bug in your pocket," "Rick, there's a centipede," "Rick, there's a lizard." Well, I'm not buyin' it! [Rick walks off]

Rick

You know, Higgins, there's something that I always wanted to tell you. I mean, deep down, you're really an okay guy.

Higgins

How reassuring.