A character in Magnum, P.I.
Tied for 5th most-quoted character in Magnum, P.I.: in 3 of its 180 quotes
Most scenes with: Thomas Magnum (2), Rick (2)
Look, why don't we just tell him?
He's a civilian, this is a military operation. Besides, I learned a long time ago that if you tell Magnum what's going on, you're liable to end up with egg foo yung on your face ... and you know how I hate Chinese food.
[T.C. has been shot; Magnum, Higgins and Rick are in hospital with him]
(on TV) An Island Hoppers spokesman has now quoted as saying that foul play is not suspected.
What idiot would give out such a ludicrous statement?
The same idiot that claims to be my spokesman!
[Scene cuts to Island Hoppers]
(a con artist who looks like Mac from Seasons 1-3, played by the same actor, Jeff MacKay) Well, somebody had to mind the store! I heard the news report on the radio about the shoot--the accident, so well, naturally, my first inclination was to rush to the hospital.
Naturally.
Exactly! But then I thought, no, that's just what all his good friends will do and I'd just be in the way. So then, naturally, the next thought that occurred to me was, "Who's looking after T.C.'s business?"
So, you just, naturally, rushed on down here and took charge in a moment of crisis.
Exactly! And lucky I did, 'cause when I got here, the place was standing open and crawling with press! But don't worry, these are the last two left and they're just leaving. I handled all of them.
Like that stupid crap that foul play wasn't suspected?
(shushes) Naturally, I told them foul play wasn't suspected, I'm trying to save T.C.'s image here! I mean, who would want to fly with a guy someone's trying to kill?
That's very thoughtful of you, Mac.
Thank you.
So, can you empty your pockets and show me your wallet?
I think I'm being insulted.
No, just accused, naturally. T.C. always has about $500 in cash in his office for emergencies, now if I walk in there and don't find it...
Well, you won't, because I secured all the cash I found. (Pulls out a wad of bills)
I hate that word. Don't say "secured", when you mean "stole".
I secured all the cash. Now if somebody had snuck in there and stolen it while I'm still on the premises, I'd feel pretty silly, now wouldn't I?
(Takes the wad of bills, starts counting it) What else is missing, Mac?
Nothing! I haven't taken anything from that office, I've only given my time, my creativity, my years of managerial experience...
Mac, please leave.
Well, you're welcome! (Walks off in a huff)
He wouldn't put himself up for a little cash, with this guy, it's always a major angle.
Naturally.
[Magnum, Rick and Mac are interrogating Emilio. Since Emilio only speaks Spanish, Mac translates]
What's he saying about me? And who's Pasqual Valez?
You gotta be kidding, he's only one of the biggest crime bosses in Mexico City. So you really got the goods on Valez's organization last week, huh?
Thomas, you were in Mexico City last week? I thought you were in Oklahoma City!
I was! You (Mac) tell Emilio that he's coming with me to find someone who speaks Spanish.
Well, what do you think I've been doing?
I'm not sure, Mac. And that's why I'd like a second opinion on what Emilio told you. Besides, you've got something more important to do, find T.C.'s chopper!
Find it? Why, did he lose it?
Ah, knock it off, will you? You know you stole it!
Me? Why is it always me? I--Why would I liberate T.C.'s chopper?
I hate that word too. Now you bring back T.C.'s chopper that you liberated, stole, by tomorrow!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Magnum, P.I. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
Magnum, P.I. · 180 quotes
