Jonathan Higgins quotes from Magnum, P.I.

Higgins

Don't ruin my whiskey with ice! I'm not a bloody American!

Higgins

Magnum, feed the lads, would you? There are steaks in the freezer. [Magnum makes an excited face] Very well, you can have one too.

Higgins

After the war, the Cliffords suffered some sort of a disgrace. They were ostracized from society. I don't imagine you'd understand that sort of thing, would you, Magnum? On the other hand, perhaps you would.

Higgins

[after Magnum has moved out of the guest house] Isn't it glorious, lads? I find the silence and serenity sublime. ...No screeching of tires past my window in the early morning hours ...No strange sounds emanating from the guest house ...No more sordid and tawdry guests ...No more abuse of private property ...No more Magnum.

Higgins

[about Magnum's plan to join a high stakes poker game] It's Higgin's law, if you will: Opportunity plus Magnum equals financial disaster. Inevitably the disaster befalls an innocent bystander.

Higgins

[to Magnum] There's some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it's really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me -- Tanky Moran. Got his name when he single-handedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he's selling jam in Devonshire.

Higgins

[to T.C.] You ran through a pen, striking Mr. Platt, who was chasing a pig. It's so... Magnum-esque. The body has departed, but the spirit has remained behind to haunt me. Why?

Higgins

I, of course, have spent many a Christmas away from home and family. More times than I care to remember, in more places than I care to remember; Forgotten battlefields, and sometimes even forgotten wars. I think being at war, makes Christmas all the more bittersweet - peace on earth, and goodwill to all men, and all that.

Higgins

Magnum, I'm very busy placating the guests. Now, will you please send Rick and T.C., away and assume the character of a reasonably competent security person? Only you and I will know you're acting.

Higgins

Lady Ashley, you look positively smashing, especially for a woman your age.

Higgins

I have studied Aristotle, Socrates, Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Bertrand Russell; I have toured college campuses debating the virtues of dialectic versus symbolic syllogism; I have written scholarly articles for the need for a new, more dynamic logic. But nothing in my life has prepared me for the workings of the Thomas Magnum mind.

Higgins

You have to get into the safe first, Magnum.

Magnum

[wiggles eyebrows] I know.

Magnum

I'm not an intruder, I'm a guest!

Higgins

Guests eventually leave.

Higgins

Stop. Whatever you are doing, stop it.

T.C.

Hi, Higgins.

Higgins

Don't "Hi, Higgins" me. Just get you and your juvenile delinquents out of here.

Higgins

Put Magnum's bill on my tab. [bartender looks very surprised, hands up in the air in defense]

I always do.

Higgins

Tomorrow at three?

Magnum

I'll try.