Mad Men quotes

[to Don] What's your occupation, young man?

Don

Staying out of people's business.

Don

I'm sorry... I have to say this, because I don't know if I'll ever see you again.

What?

Don

I was an orphan. I grew up in Pennsylvania, in a whorehouse. I read about Milton Hershey and his school in Torn Up Magazine, or some other crap the girls left by the toilet, and I read that some orphans had a different life there. I could picture it. I dreamed of it - being wanted. Because the woman who was forced to raise me would look at me every day like she wished I would disappear. The closest I got to being wanted was with a girl who made me go through her johns' pockets while they screwed. If I collected more than a dollar, she'd buy me Hershey bar, and I would eat it alone in my room with great ceremony. [choking up] Feeling like a normal kid. It said "sweet" on the package. It was the only sweet thing in my life.

[aghast] You want to advertise that?

Don

If I had my way, you would never advertise. You shouldn't have someone like me telling that boy what a Hershey bar is. He already knows.

Freddy

You know, I'm breaking a rule here. I haven't had one of these sausages since I quit. If this makes me have dreams about beer, I'm gonna be mad at you.

If I was your wife, I wouldn't like this.

Don

She knows I'm a terrible husband.

How long have you been married?

Don

Not long enough. I really thought I could do it this time.

Did she kick you out?

Don

No. She doesn't know that much, but she knows.

Well, if she doesn't know, you should just keep it that way. That's what people do.

Don

I keep wondering, have I broken the vessel?

If you did, what can you do about it? It's done. [pause] I bet I could make you feel better.

Don

I bet you could.

There's a car waiting for me. I could give you a lift.

Don

[pause] I'm sorry, but I have to get back to work.

Peggy

Shirley, I've been thinking about it, and I know it's silly, but could you please throw these flowers away?

Why?

Peggy

They're cursed.

No, they're not. They're beautiful.

Peggy

Look, I should have bought you flowers, out of respect, not because of some holiday. Are these some symbol of how much we're loved? It's a joke! [she grabs the flowers to throw them away]

Please don't.

Peggy

I'll get you some new ones.

Please. Those are my flowers. They're from my fiancée.

Peggy

Since when?

Since this morning.

Peggy

Why didn't you tell me?

You never gave me a chance.

Peggy

I never gave you a chance? They've been sitting there all day! Now you're just embarrassing me!

I didn't mean to...

Peggy

You should have never told me! That would have been a great gift. Who cares about your stupid flowers? You know what, you have a ring on. we all know that you're engaged. You did not have to embarrass me. Grow up!

Don

I was in a pitch meeting, and I told them the truth about me. But it was the wrong time.

Sally

What was the truth?

Don

Nothing you don't know.

Megan

I'm not walking out of my own house, so that means you're going to have to leave.

Don

Have you calmed down?

Megan

I'm not kidding around. I want you to call a cab, get on a plane, go home. I don't want you to worry about me anymore.

Don

Stop it.

Megan

Don, it's okay. This is the way it ends. It's going to be so much easier for both of us.

[to Betty, about his teacher] She likes you.

Betty

Yes, well, that blouse says she likes everyone.

Roger

We've got a computer. It's going to do lots of magical things, like make Harry Crane seem important.

Don

LeaseTech, the company we're leasing the computer from, is a virgin. I think we should prepare a presentation while their guy is here and push 'em over the edge.

New business.

Don

That whole industry is exploding. The sky has exponential growth.

Have you forgotten the stipulations?

Don

Fine, tell somebody else. I mean, the apple is right there.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what went wrong here.

Don

So, that's it? You want me to be a janitor? Whistle while I work?

You thought there was going to be a big creative crisis and we would pull you off the bench, but in fact we've been doing just fine.

Don

So why am I even here? I could have gone anywhere.

Why are you here?

Don

Because I started this agency!

Along with a dead man whose office you now inhabit.

Freddy

You know, you never have to have a drink again.

Don

I don't wanna hear that.

Freddy

You're hung over, it's the best time to hear it. Are you just gonna kill yourself? Give them what they want? Or are you gonna go in your room, put on your uniform, fix your bayonet and hit the parade? Do the work, Don.

Don, you've been the boss. The briefcase and the hat? It's a rookie maneuver. You got somewhere you need to be?

Don

I'm afraid I do.

How's it going to look to the others if I let you go?

Don

You could let everyone go.

Is that what you would do?

Don

No. I'd let you go, Lou.

[to Don] You know what would make you feel better? Drugs.

[reaching her hand into Pete's pants] Meet me in the ladies' room in 60 seconds.

Pete

[breathlessly] I have always wanted to do that!

Peggy

Moms love Burger Chef because it's the answer to a crisis. What if mom's coming home from work?

Don

[skeptically] What's her profession?

Peggy

You are surrounded by all kinds of mothers who work, Don.

Don

It's too sad for an ad.

Peggy

Fine. She burned the roast, she dented the fender...

Don

Keep going.

Peggy

She backed over the dog, little Katie's pregnant, Bobby got drafted, but there's still a burger and fries on the table.