Don Draper quotes from Mad Men

[to Don] What's your occupation, young man?

Don

Staying out of people's business.

Don

I'm sorry... I have to say this, because I don't know if I'll ever see you again.

What?

Don

I was an orphan. I grew up in Pennsylvania, in a whorehouse. I read about Milton Hershey and his school in Torn Up Magazine, or some other crap the girls left by the toilet, and I read that some orphans had a different life there. I could picture it. I dreamed of it - being wanted. Because the woman who was forced to raise me would look at me every day like she wished I would disappear. The closest I got to being wanted was with a girl who made me go through her johns' pockets while they screwed. If I collected more than a dollar, she'd buy me Hershey bar, and I would eat it alone in my room with great ceremony. [choking up] Feeling like a normal kid. It said "sweet" on the package. It was the only sweet thing in my life.

[aghast] You want to advertise that?

Don

If I had my way, you would never advertise. You shouldn't have someone like me telling that boy what a Hershey bar is. He already knows.

If I was your wife, I wouldn't like this.

Don

She knows I'm a terrible husband.

How long have you been married?

Don

Not long enough. I really thought I could do it this time.

Did she kick you out?

Don

No. She doesn't know that much, but she knows.

Well, if she doesn't know, you should just keep it that way. That's what people do.

Don

I keep wondering, have I broken the vessel?

If you did, what can you do about it? It's done. [pause] I bet I could make you feel better.

Don

I bet you could.

There's a car waiting for me. I could give you a lift.

Don

[pause] I'm sorry, but I have to get back to work.

Don

I was in a pitch meeting, and I told them the truth about me. But it was the wrong time.

Sally

What was the truth?

Don

Nothing you don't know.

Megan

I'm not walking out of my own house, so that means you're going to have to leave.

Don

Have you calmed down?

Megan

I'm not kidding around. I want you to call a cab, get on a plane, go home. I don't want you to worry about me anymore.

Don

Stop it.

Megan

Don, it's okay. This is the way it ends. It's going to be so much easier for both of us.

Don

LeaseTech, the company we're leasing the computer from, is a virgin. I think we should prepare a presentation while their guy is here and push 'em over the edge.

New business.

Don

That whole industry is exploding. The sky has exponential growth.

Have you forgotten the stipulations?

Don

Fine, tell somebody else. I mean, the apple is right there.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what went wrong here.

Don

So, that's it? You want me to be a janitor? Whistle while I work?

You thought there was going to be a big creative crisis and we would pull you off the bench, but in fact we've been doing just fine.

Don

So why am I even here? I could have gone anywhere.

Why are you here?

Don

Because I started this agency!

Along with a dead man whose office you now inhabit.

Freddy

You know, you never have to have a drink again.

Don

I don't wanna hear that.

Freddy

You're hung over, it's the best time to hear it. Are you just gonna kill yourself? Give them what they want? Or are you gonna go in your room, put on your uniform, fix your bayonet and hit the parade? Do the work, Don.

Don, you've been the boss. The briefcase and the hat? It's a rookie maneuver. You got somewhere you need to be?

Don

I'm afraid I do.

How's it going to look to the others if I let you go?

Don

You could let everyone go.

Is that what you would do?

Don

No. I'd let you go, Lou.

Peggy

Moms love Burger Chef because it's the answer to a crisis. What if mom's coming home from work?

Don

[skeptically] What's her profession?

Peggy

You are surrounded by all kinds of mothers who work, Don.

Don

It's too sad for an ad.

Peggy

Fine. She burned the roast, she dented the fender...

Don

Keep going.

Peggy

She backed over the dog, little Katie's pregnant, Bobby got drafted, but there's still a burger and fries on the table.

Don

How did you get in here?

Roger

Money.

Don

No.

Roger

May I speak with you? ... What's going on? You got this letter this morning and it's very upsetting news.

Don

Are they firing you?

Sterling

I don't know.

Don

What does that mean, "breach of contract"? They are either firing you, or not. This is coming from the agency's attorney.

Sterling

Why didn't they call me?? -- Look at you.

Don

Isn't this something? [Talking about the moon landing]

Sally

I guess.

Don

So you're unimpressed?

Sally

It's such a waste of money.

Don

You don't really think that, do you?

Sally

We'll be going there all the time while people go hungry down here.

Don

Don't be so cynical. You want your little brothers to talk that way?

Sally

[thinks] No.

Don

What do you see for the future?

Peggy

Well, ah... is that on there?

Don

No. I'm just curious.

Peggy

I'd like to be the first woman creative director at this agency. [Don smiles] Is that funny to you?

Don

No, I'm impressed that you know exactly.

Peggy

What else is there?

Don

That's what I'm asking. Let's say you get that. What's next?

Peggy

Land something huge. Create a catchphrase.

Don

So you want fame.

Peggy

Yes.

Don

What else?

Peggy

I don't know.

Don

Yes you do.

Peggy

Create something of lasting value.

Don

[chuckles] In advertising.

Peggy

This is supposed to be about my job, not the meaning of life.

Don

So, you think those things are unrelated?

Peggy

[stands up] I didn't know you'd be in a mood.

Don

Do you want me to do this or not?

Peggy

Why don't you just write down all of your dreams, so I can shit on them? [leaves]

Don

How do I describe California in a way that doesn't make them jealous?

Tell them my ex-wife lives there.

Pete

I just talked Secor Laxatives into joining us.

Roger

Do you want to?

Don

Were they difficult to move?

Pete

The thing to do is not make that joke.