A character in Life on Mars
Played by John Simm
Life on Mars · 186 quotes
Tied for 1st most-quoted character in Life on Mars: in 117 of its 186 quotes
Most scenes with: Gene Hunt (67), Chris Skelton (14), Annie Cartwright (13)
Sam TylerGene...not to come over all 'Dorothy', but I could help you. Everyone's traceable, even in this day and age. I could help you find your brother.
I already did, Sam. Just not in time.
[Gene takes a swig of his drink]
Sam TylerDoes that actually help?
[Gene offers Sam the flask, to which Sam takes a swig of the drink]
Sam TylerY'know I might know how to cheer him up.
[Cut to a nurse walking from the hospital beds and another nurse travelling to see the disturbance in one of the hospital beds. She finds Sam sitting in a chair smoking, reading a newspaper and Gene lying on the bed next to Ravi, drinking]
Keep it down or I'll call the police.
[Sam and Gene laugh and Ravi wakes up, sighs and goes back to sleep, as Sam and Gene continue laughing]
Sam TylerI was just dreaming.
What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil! That's what you call a guilty conscience, my friend.
Sam TylerWhat?
The root of nightmares.
Sam TylerMy conscience is clear, thank you very much.
Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! [Flops back down onto the bed]
Sam TylerYeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts.
[sitting bolt upright] I do NOT snore!
[Sam and Gene are having another discussion about police work]
Sam TylerOur definitions of policing may vary marginally.
And yours is?
Sam TylerServe the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law.
Training college?
Sam TylerRobocop. [Pause] You can't uphold the law by breaking it.
[Sam hears Jimmy Savile on the radio]
Wow! But the big news is they've found the cause of Sam's prolonged coma! Ooh! Now then guys and gals, there's a tumour in the temporal lobe of Sam's brain, they thought it was a clot but, hows about that, a clot it is not! Wow! It may be operable, double wow!...Our very good friends here at the hopsital say they can cut out the tumour.
Sam TylerCut it out! Cut it out! Fix it for me, Jim!.
I see a darkness in you, Sam.
Sam TylerOh, you can see into me, can you, Nelson? Well, Come on then. Am I mad? Huh? Is this real? Come on. I just want to know the truth.
We all want that, Sam. What's real. What's not. I see folk who walk about in a sunken dream, 'cause they feel nothing. Are they alive?
Sam TylerI wake up every morning and I tell myself I am alive.
When you can feel, then you're alive. When you don't feel, you're not.
You have amnesia, Sam.
Sam TylerI'm in a coma, Frank.
Sam TylerI went someplace mum and every day I woke up in that place and I told myself ‘I'm alive' and I was. In some ways more than I've ever been. You know, a barman [laughs] a barman once told me that you know when you're alive because you can feel and you know when you're not because you don't feel anything. I made a promise mum; I made a promise to someone who I care about very much.
Then you've got nothing to worry about because you always keep your promises.
[Sam's back in present day and is in a meeting]
Sam look at your hand.
Sam Tyler[He looks at his thumb which is bleeding from an accidental cut] I can't feel anything. [ Life on Mars? starts playing in the background]
What?
Sam TylerExcuse me. [He leaves]
[Sam has just returned to 1973 and to where the shoot-out is]
Tyler!
Sam! Help us!
[Sam shoots the last remaining gang member who is about to shoot Gene again]
Now that's just showing off.
Sam Tyler[To Annie] Are you alright?
[She nods]
Sam TylerI told you I'd never leave you.
Well, good for us!
[Sam tries to help Gene to stand up]
Get off. I'm not a fairy!
[angrily] I got shot because of you!
Sam TylerI know. I'm truly sorry, Ray.
Still, I met a bird, medical bird.
Sam TylerCalled nurses.
Big tits, arse like two cox's pippins in a bag.
Sam TylerShe sounds enigmatic.
No, boss, she was from Barnsley.
[Sam is looking around the pub for Annie and Phyllis notices]
Go and find her.
Sam TylerWhat?
I'm not just a sex goddess, I've got eyes. Go on. [She gestures to outside the pub]
Sam TylerTell me...
Tell you what, Sam?
Sam TylerTell me what I should do, Annie.
[Pause]
[Emotionally] Stay. Here. Forever.
Sam TylerOkay, then. I will.
[They kiss]
[Gene pulls up in the car]
TYLER! Put that soppy plonk down and get in! Blag on at Archer Lane, shots fired, lovely! [Chris and Ray emerge from the pub] You two tarts, get in! And you, flash knickers!
Sam TylerYou shouldn't be driving with that leg.
Well, I am.
Sam TylerYou were shot.
Yeah, and so will you be in a minute if you don't get in!
[On the car radio, Sam hears a doctor speaking]
We're losing him. Sam? Sam?
[Can hear heartbeat go faster then flatline.]
Sam TylerI hate this channel.
[Sam switches radio channels and Life on Mars? quietly plays. Sam turns the volume up.]
Sam TylerThat's better.
What are you doing, Raymondo?
Can't get the door shut.
Sam TylerI should be driving.
You drive like my Aunt Mabel!
Sam TylerIf you injure someone while driving this, it's technically a criminal offence!
Oh shut up, you noncey-arsed fairy boy!
Sam Tyler[smiling to himself] Such elegant banter! Try and keep under 70, oh, and radio for uniform!
I don't need plod getting in the way!
Sam TylerIt's procedure! You're not above the law, you know, guv!
What're you on about? I AM THE LAW!
Sam TylerYeah, in your dreams.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life on Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
