Sam Tyler quotes from Life on Mars

10 mils of adrenaline did the trick.

Sam Tyler

10 mils. The perfect 10!

Sam Tyler

Tung oil? Is that used on engines? I thought it was for wood.

Gene Hunt

Wood?

Sam Tyler

Yeah, it's a lacquer. For tables, floors.

Gene Hunt

Or a wooden gym floor?

Sam Tyler

Didn't Lamb's statement say he was cleaning gym equipment as Charley was leaving that night? 'I just wanted them to stop screaming' he kept saying that, Lamb about his family being kidnapped. 'I just wanted them to stop screaming.'

Annie Cartwright

Boss, he's got a pulse. He's alive! [Gene pours tea over the victim who moans in pain]

Gene Hunt

He is alive, isn't he?

Sam Tyler

You see, that's why you need women detectives!

Gene Hunt

You said he was dead!

Ray Carling

Well he weren't moving!

Gene Hunt

Chris doesn't move; it don't mean he's dead! Go on, Dr Kildare, get an ambulance!

Gene Hunt

Blardy, blardy, history bloody blah. It doesn't take a degree in applied bollocks to know what's going on!

Sam Tyler

Go on then, amaze me with your insubstantial guesswork!

Gene Hunt

He's come over here, started dealing, and Rocket or one of the other local drugs boys has took offence and offed him!

Sam Tyler

Wow. That was better than I expected. Copper jumps to conclusion and fits evidence to match. Birmingham Six, here we come!

Gene Hunt

Now. Yesterday's shooting. The dealers are all so scared we're more likely to get Helen Keller to talk. The Paki in a coma's about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman, and all in all this investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory.

Gene Hunt

What?

Sam Tyler

Think you might have missed out the Jews

Gene Hunt

What?

Sam Tyler

I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.

Gene Hunt

What as opposed to one of those I-really-really-like-you sort of murders?

Sam Tyler

Maybe the NF shot him, left the heroin there, to make him look bad.

Gene Hunt

The NF are too stupid for that. They could stick a shotgun up my arse and pull the trigger, they'd still miss!

Sam Tyler

I'd still like to explore the racially motivated line of enquiry.

Gene Hunt

And I'd like my boot to explore your jacksie, come on Tyler, where's the evidence you're so fond of?

Gene Hunt

Why have you got an ant's nest up your arse over a bit of skirt!?

Sam Tyler

Because I loved her!

Gene Hunt

You great... soft... sissy... girlie... nancy... French... bender... Man United supporting POOF!!

Leave him alone!

Gene Hunt

Did I ask you? Did I ask you anything other than WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS RAVI!

Sam Tyler

I think she's telling the truth.

Gene Hunt

I think she's as fake as a tranny's fanny.

Sam Tyler

I still think we need to entertain the possibility that this could be a racial killing..

Gene Hunt

Oh, well let's entertain it, let's take it out for a prawn cocktail, a steak and a bottle of Liebfraumilch, then let's kick it into the gutter where it belongs!

About 8:30, straight after I left Sam's flat, he was still alive.

Gene Hunt

Straight after you left Sam's flat?

Sam Tyler

She needed protection.

Gene Hunt

Well I hope you used some!

Sam Tyler

Have you got a shred of humanity left? It doesn't matter how bad you are, no-one should have their nose rubbed into their brother's death.

Gene Hunt

I had a brother. Some bastard with Speed took him. I tried to get him off it. I tried everything, but he didn't want to be helped. We had an argument and he left. No-one's seen him in 10 years. Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.

Sam Tyler

Y'know, people take drugs, often because something's missing.

Gene Hunt

[Taking a swig of his drink] We were brought up the same and I'm fine. I mean, dad used to get fist heavy when he was loose but me and Stu stuck by each other through that.

Sam Tyler

There was a power cut.

Gene Hunt

Thank God for OPEC.

Sam Tyler

Where's Annie? She was with me when I got hit over the head. And we just picked up Ravi.

Phyllis

[On radio] DS Carling? Come in. Over.

Ray Carling

[On radio, in distance] Yeah, what do you want?

Gene Hunt

If Annie dies, this will be down to you. Should have left that bloody iron on you.

Ray Carling

[On radio] Right, OK. [To Gene, Sam and Chris] Toolbox has picked up Ravi.

Sam Tyler

With Annie?

Ray Carling

No.

Chris Skelton

Maybe if we erm, we, we...

Gene Hunt

Oh shut up, you bloody big waste of space. Ray take Noddy here and check out Annie's flat. [To Sam] You come with me.

What you doing, mate? You're one of us.

Sam Tyler

What, a dyslexic, racist moron?

Sam Tyler

You all right? Did they hurt you?

Annie Cartwright

I've got a bit of a headache but I'm still here aren't I?

Annie Cartwright

The guv wanted me to see if you're doing anything stupid. You're not are you?

Sam Tyler

No.

Annie Cartwright

Right, that's me off duty then.

Sam Tyler

Annie, I just wanted you to know, the business with...

Annie Cartwright

...Layla.

Sam Tyler

Yeah, it's not what you think.

Annie Cartwright

Y'know it's none of my business.

Sam Tyler

It was just unfinished business and now it's finished. That's all. [He smiles and kisses Annie on the cheek]

Annie Cartwright

Bye, Sam. [She turns to leave but then turns back] And get some sleep. [She leaves]