Sam Tyler quotes from Life on Mars

Ray Carling

So, what do you want to do now, Guv?

Gene Hunt

[thinks for a moment] Pub!

Ray Carling

[smirks] Pub.

Chris Skelton

[grins] Pub.

Sam Tyler

[looks at the other three men in turn, slowly smiles] Pub.

You're a lucky man, Tyler. You've got the best here.

Sam Tyler

[Heavy sarcasm] I weep with happiness every morning, sir.

I'm saying it to all divisions; city needs to feel safe, Gene. Point is, this is under the glare, so let's make it clean and let's make it count, yes?

Sam Tyler

Would that be... 'by the book', sir?

Yes, that's it - by the jolly old book.

Sam Tyler

[To Gene, smugly] Let's get this party started.

Sam Tyler

We pull him in, we put the squeeze on him. Why is that so hard for you to agree to?

Gene Hunt

Because I am policing in the full glare of the public bloody eye, and the Chief Super is taking a personal interest and we also have no flipping evidence! And I can't believe I just said that!

Chris Skelton

Boss? Bloody hell, you look like something out of the Addams Family.

Sam Tyler

Up all night.

Chris Skelton

Oh aye. What was her name?

Sam Tyler

Migraine.

Chris Skelton

German bird?

Gene Hunt

We need to nail this fast.

Sam Tyler

So, we preserve the scene. We dust for prints

Gene

[Interrupting] You've seen it out there, Sam. People are scared. Pull in someone from the "we don't like you" list. We put their prints on the hammer, charge 'em, whip it past the beak. There's loads of scum out there deserve another spell inside. It'll buy us more time.

Sam Tyler

Look Guv, you wanna wear the Sheriff's badge? Well it comes with responsibilities; thorough, and by-the-book!

Gene Hunt

Cobblers! The public don't care what we do, just that we get the job done!

Chris Skelton

Too right, you don't want a mirror at the dentist do you?

Ray Carling

Oh my Lord. Take a look at this.

Sam Tyler

Okay, fingertip search. Off you go, lads. Like I showed you. In a line, slowly. In a line!

Ray Carling

[singing] Now, hands that do dishes can feel [Chris and two other policemen join in] soft as your face -

Piss off!

With mild green Fairy Liquid.

Gene Hunt

Tell 'em to bring a big-

Sam Tyler

(Correcting him) Bastard-big

Gene Hunt

-Bastard-big sedative.

Chris Skelton

I'd hate to end up in prison.

Sam Tyler

Not very likely, is it Chris?

Chris

What if I was wrongly accused of killing my wife like David Janssen in The Fugitive?

Sam

You mean Harrison Ford.

Chris

No I don't.

Gene Hunt

The rules go like this; you're my officer, you do as I say!

Sam Tyler

I was following my instincts...

Gene Hunt

Well, I should charge your instincts with wasting police time!

Gene Hunt

[gives Tyler a gun] Here, wave this around inside and try and look hard for once in your life!

Sam Tyler

Have you never heard of softly, softly?

Gene Hunt

Yes, but I prefer Z-Cars! [he and Sam storm into the building] Don't move! You're surrounded by armed bastards!

Sam Tyler

Look, you know when I said I wasn't wrong? Well, I was. But, I was right about this not being the IRA. I was right to follow my instincts. Just like you always say, "go with your gut feeling". Just taking your lead.

Gene Hunt

So I'm right?

Sam Tyler

We both are.

Gene Hunt

Right.

Sam Tyler

Right.

Gene Hunt

Just as long as I'm more right than you.

Gene Hunt

What is it you think I'm doing here, Tyler?

Sam Tyler

[Sarcastically under his breath] Building a Death Star?

Gene Hunt

What?

Sam Tyler

Nothing.

Sam Tyler

Roger Twilling, 44 years old, successful businessman, very popular in the business community, gives a lot to charity.

Gene Hunt

I hate people who give to charity.

Gene Hunt

Murderers do not play tennis!

Sam Tyler

Well, this one does.