Stan quotes from Lexx

Stan

[waking up after 4000 years of sleep] Ouh... I feel really stiff for some reason... wait a second, are we somewhere?

Yes...

Stan

[disorientated Oh yeah! Where?

....Somewhere.

Stan

This is the Lexx!

[looks around] This comet?

Stan

Comet? No no! This is what we're on, this is the Lexx... It's big err... a big...

Bug.

Stan

Um... Lexx?

Lexx

...Yes?

Stan

Tell 'em.... um... tell them, that you're not unfriendly in any way. That you're just a big bug... that.. t-that wants to eat, right?

Lexx

I am not unfriendly in any way. I am just a big bug that wants to eat, right?

Stan

That hurts!

Does it?

Stan

Yes!

I'm very good... with pain.

Stan

Why are doing this to me?

Fun.

Stan

Just let's not forget, now we are in the Dark Zone! This is the universe of evil, of chaos, of depravity! I mean, so what do we do now, eh?!

Xev

I suppose we find ourselves a new home?

Stan

Yep, which then gets destroyed like every other place we've ever been.

Stan

Kai! You know about the Dark Zone, I mean where are the good planets?

Kai

Define good planet.

Stan

Well, for me - it would be one you'd feel confortable living on! Tingle me, jingle me! Get hunk and do it, y'know, kinda planet, you understand what I mean!

Kai

No.

Stan

Why don't you just go ahead and eat?

Lexx

There is nothing to eat around here.

Stan

Well, go somewhere where there is food!

Lexx

I cannot go... anywhere.

Stan

How can he be so stupid?!

Easily and always, he is stupid. And you are captain of the stupid.

Kai

We can drift until we are drawn into the solar system of a celestial object.

Stan

So how long is it gonna take us to reach one of those if we just... drift?

Somewhere between nine hundred standard years and sixteen thousand standard years.

Xev

So what do we eat in the meantime?

What about the man in black?

Stan

Oh! He's dead. See, we're just hanging onto him until we can finally land on a planet and bury him, y'know, it's a custom we observe with our dead. Actually, he's kinda alive dead.

Alive dead?

Stan

Yeah, yeah he can actually walk around a little bit. Y'know, we should go wake him up so that I could show ya! You'd find it really interesting.

What about the woman?

Stan

Oh... Don't worry about her, oh she's just a nurse or something... Y'know, I'm not even sure what it is she actually does do. But she's definitely not important.

She's not important?

Stan

No, not important. Not in any way, shape or form.

[enraged] YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT!

[to Zev] Be gone! FOWL THING!

Xev

What's wrong with you?!

What's wrong with me is what is right with me... I am madly, insanely, injealously in perfect love!

Xev

I know that, but why are you acting this way?

Stan

Well, that's a switch.

Kai

[checking on May] She's dead.

Stan

No no, you can't know that.

Kai

I am good at determining the state of death. It was a required function for assassins of the Divine Order.

Stan

Can I ask you a question? It's only a hypothetical one. Okay, look, I was just wondering... Suppose someone cared about somebody else, y'know, really, really cared and that someone else was in trouble. BAD trouble, and it were meant that they were gonna have to be killed. And the only way to stop them from being killed was to kill somebody else, or some other people. Do you think it'd be wrong to do that?

Kai

How many other people would he have to kill?

Stan

Oh, a few... a relatively large few... sort of.

I care about Mr Deatholicious.

Xev

But Kai's a guy, and you're a guy too.

I'm NOT a guy.

Stan

No, he's a homo-robot head.

I am NOT.

Stan

Then what are ya?

I am a robot head in love with a dead man.